February 16, 2017 at 12:41 pm #127913
I’m actually in the same situation right now. I had just broken up with my ex-boyfriend after 2 and a half years. We used to live together. The break up ended so badly. I was sobbing and weeping while walking away from him. We ended like two strangers. He said he does not love me anymore. Few months ago, we had been fighting about his friends who are so bad influence like they take drugs and slept with chicks. I was so frustrated but even if he did those things to me, I tried to beg him to stay and to work our differences. But at the end of the day, we both felt so exhausted. Right now,after a week of breaking up and no contact, I’ve heard he’s already flirting with someone which of course breaks my heart. I really want to get over this feeling and totally moved on. I want to know how and where should I start. I lost myself in our relationship. I used to be a strong and independent woman however it was changed when he arrived. Whenever I think about him with another woman it breaks my heart but the kind of pain that doesn’t bring tears anymore. I am just so sad. Right now all I can remember are our good memories together, all the trips we've made and the places we visited. I already moved to a new place and unfriended him in social media however I still feel the pain of losing my bestfriend. Please help me and enlighten me.
February 16, 2017 at 1:57 pm #127925
- This topic was modified 9 months ago by Jo Montgomery.
Hey jmont. Im sorry this happened, im going through the same thing. It sounds like youre doing the right thing, im a few months in and its still hard. Its different for everyone, but you will have this period of feeling, and in time it will subside. For me, I still feel the pain, but it is a lot less than the first few weeks. I am eating and feeling and doing things almost as normal. It will pass 🙂 My ex also moved on quickly, which hurt, but it made me notice that she might not have been feeling what I was feeling, and if that feeling was so immaterial, then maybe my percieved connection might also be less important to me than I thought. Unfriending is a good idea, take away that contact and then only re-engage in those thoughts when you are stronger and ready. It takes me a long time to process things, and thats okay. As for help I would suggest getting into meditation, now is the best time to start and it has and continues to help me every day. Love yourself 🙂February 16, 2017 at 2:48 pm #127927February 16, 2017 at 3:03 pm #127935
Hi jmont. It's great that you're seeking support in a time of grief.
Just know that what you're feeling is natural, that most people have gone through this at one stage or another. I went through bad breakups during my early 20s and it felt earth shattering.
I am just so sad
Of course you are sweetie, you're not just losing your best friend, you're losing the life you had the last 2 years. Just know that you are grieving and you're going through a grieving period. You've done really well removing him off social media, try your best to not engage in conversations or ask about how hes going through mutual friends – in fact if you can, tell your mutual friends/friends to not talk about him around you. This will help you. Otherwise the wound will take much longer to heal, as each time you hear about him it'll be like scratching that scab off and the wound will need to reheal.
What helped me was to slowly but surely rebuild my life, piece by piece. My job/career was stable, so I focused on “filling” in the time with other things – seeing friends, exercising, painting. I was also in desperate need to find myself again – so much of my life had been with this one person, and another person before him. So I needed to find out who I was as a person – what I enjoyed, what my values are, what I stood for, what was important to me.
This might feel like it's too big to handle right now, but all you need to do is take some small steps, and get through each day.February 17, 2017 at 7:19 pm #128141
You wrote: “Few months ago, we had been fighting about his friends who are so bad influence like they take drugs..”
I understand why you didn't like his friends, but when you start a war, most often, you lose. Fighting kills love.
There are ways to assert yourself with another without fighting. If you can't live with another's choices of friends, or any other life choices, let the person know, ask for what you need, if it is reasonable. Leave if you don't get it, but don't stay and fight and fight… and expect love and peace.
I am sorry that you are hurting and hope you learn from your experience and have a better relationship in the future.
anitaFebruary 17, 2017 at 10:49 pm #128165
Spend time out doing fun things with friends and give it time. Time helps for sure. Best of luck!