February 28, 2017 at 3:09 pm #131777
Hello beautiful people,
So, I felt motivated to write something for people going through some loss (particularly break ups). I read this quote somewhere when I was going through breakup.
” Things turned out to be the best for those who makes the best of the way things turned out”
Yes, breakups are hard and very painful. However, when we lose one identity our mind tricks to form another one asap. So, we get caught in this loop of victim and self pity identity. And more misery and suffering to our pain. We say things like this is unfair, why this is happening to me, why me etc. etc. then we add more pain by blaming ourselves for the breakup. We say, I must be not good enough, not strong enough, not beautiful enough, not outgoing enough, not etc. etc. And then we go another step add further misery by blaming our ex Bf or Gf. We think like He or she was manipulative, was cheater, was a bad person, was an ass####, was this, was that etc etc.
However, none of the above helps us with our grief and pain. These all, blame, guilt, self pity, poor me just create more suffering us. Its already happened. Now finding reasons to blame yourself or others doesn’t undo it.
So what should we do to mitigate the amount of pain we are going through?
Again ” Things turned out to be the best for those who makes the best of the way things turned out”
You can turn it out around, if you rise above your negative emotions and pain, and look beyond this event. You can make it the best thing ever happened to you if you acknowledge, forgive yourself or others and let go. You can put the baggage full with ‘pain of your past’ and ‘worry of future’ down now and walk freely.
How to walk freely? Accept your pain from loss, don’t run from it and don’t blame yourself or others. Learn to get comfortable in acknowledging difficult emotions, rather than suppressing them or acting out on them. And start your work in this present moment.
The question is not what has happened, the question what are you doing now to turn it around. There are many stories around the world. You can do it to, you know. Its not easy but its not impossible either.
Brav3February 28, 2017 at 3:43 pm #131779LINDA CLEMENTSParticipant
deathFebruary 28, 2017 at 4:26 pm #131783
Same can be applied.
Brav3February 28, 2017 at 7:05 pm #131837anitaParticipant
Well written, if I may say so. This is a departure from the very organized previous threads. I liked those very much. This is different, less orderly, more flowing and excellent content. Impressed, yet again.
I like the quote. Is your plan to make “the best of the way things turned out” still involves summer in Sweden?
anitaFebruary 28, 2017 at 7:29 pm #131841
Thank you for your delightful comment as always.
May I ask, how do you remember about the things I wrote before? You write to so many people on this forum everyday.
I really don’t know about my plan to Sweden this summer. I am holding it very loose not solid and fixed. I will take it as it comes. No plans. No control. No looking for secure desired future.
A very different me.
Brav3February 28, 2017 at 7:37 pm #131845anitaParticipant
Sounds (reads, that is) good to me: no plans, no control… How do I remember? It was a very memorable description, New Year Eve with Vikings and a kiss at midnight. Memorable. I remember your original thread here, on tiny Buddha. Such a long time ago, how you struggled- you did struggle for a long time. You are one of the very few (maybe the only) member who made it so well to the other side, and came back to tell about it!
Not that there are or will not be more challenges, but you got the right attitude, you learned and you keep learning. You really do “the best of the way things turned out”!
anitaMarch 1, 2017 at 3:39 am #131877Nina SakuraParticipant
Appreciate the post on breakups. However I don’t think this is applicable to death entirely. Breakup is a kind of loss too, a person dear to us departs from our life but they are alive. We can call them, see them and their life continues, just not with us. Death is different. There is no return. There are no answers for this pain, no respite no matter how many years pass. A void will always be there. This post will make less sense to someone who lost a parent, a child, a friend, a gf/bf or anyone dear to them. Much less to people who have watched their loved ones get sick and die. And no amount of positivity or rising above negative emotions will change the harsh reality of death. You can fall in love again after a breakup but the person who died won’t come back. I know you mean well brav3 but I am not very satisfied with the idea of equating breakups, death in the same category of coping with loss.