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Do men ever regret of leaving their partner?

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  • #43285
    Fe Martin
    Participant

    it is hard to know whether they are regretting their decision of breaking up their partner especially when they lose their feelings for their partner and go dating someone else after the relationship ended. what do you guys think? I just broke up with my ex and he is having the time of his life and started dating someone new. He left me because he said he lost his feelings for me after our 2 years relationship. I’m the one who is miserable while he is fine and go on with his life. I do think we shared a deep connected and he promised me everything and now he acted like he forgot about it and just nothing. can anyone help from a guy perspective?

    #43287
    Anders Hasselstrøm
    Participant

    Hello Fe Martin,

    First of all I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Breaking up with a partner is always a difficult situation because you share something special together. However, never doubt that your negative feelings will come to an end. You will probably always remember him but there is a difference between remembering him and having negative feelings about it.

    You can be 100% sure that he thinks of you as well. There will be a lot of moments in his life where he associates the situation with you. Your memories will always last and even though he is already out there partying and appearing to feel good he will have sad moments as well.

    The best thing you can do is to accept that you are not together anymore. The moment you realize that you will be able to work your way towards a new life. Embrace that you have the opportunity of being alone and getting to know you better. The harder you fall the higher you bounce my friend 🙂

    Your most important tasks for the next few months is to choose happiness instead of negative feelings. Embrace your life and be sure that better things are coming your way. My previous girlfriend broke up with me after 4 years and I was sure that my life was going to end. However, now I have found a girl who is ten times better. No chance I would have believed that in the first place but I promise you that better things are coming your way.

    I hope you can find some inspiration on my website about choosing happiness.

    Best of luck my friend,
    Anders Hasselstrøm
    Motivational Speaker

    #43291
    Tim
    Participant

    Fe Martin,
    There are all kinds of men, just as there are all kinds of women. I know for a fact that there are women who leave men in their wake and move on with no regrets. In general, I think a lot of women just aren’t attracted to men who act decently. If we show kindness or sensitivity, we aren’t seen as manly enough. Most women don’t want a guy who actually has emotions. So, most men probably don’t care about the women they have left behind, and the men who do are probably those that have been dumped by a woman for not being exciting or macho enough. The awesome part comes when you get top the point where you just don’t care any more, when you can be happy with yourself without needing some guy or girl to disrespect you. A lot of the posts on this website have helped me get closer to that point.
    Tim

    #43293
    Matt
    Participant

    Fe,

    Men often have difficulties processing emotions, which is part biology and part sociology. Where many women have social networks that they use to decompress their stress, men do it more internally. I see many women troubled by the lack of outward signs of grief over the loss of a relationship, as though it invalidates the meaning of the relationship. Sometimes its true, the woman didn’t mean too much to the man. Sometimes the man has been grieving before the end, and has already processed most of what he needed. More often, the man is either suppressing or distracting the emotions by covering them with a “new shiny” (thing or person).

    No matter which of these happens, the healing from grief comes as we realize that the relationship mattered to us. That’s enough. We can’t change people, and their journey is theirs alone… their pre-during-post relationship actions don’t matter that much. We cared, opened and gave it our all, and so it hurts when it goes. Its good that it hurts, because it means that we had a romantic connection with them, and after we heal, our heart will be ready to try again with a (hopefully) more compatible partner.

    Tim,

    Your words tread close to nihilism, or meaninglessness. Machismo’s impact on human intimacy is mutually burdening. Said differently, because men are conditioned to be macho, the emotional men are often highly dramatic and clingly… filled with emotions they are unable to suppress to meet expectations, so they come out as weak and needy. Instead, we can deconstruct our own machismo and become both emotional and strong, which is something the balanced women I know find highly appealing. Namaste.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #43295
    Alexey Sunly
    Participant

    Welcome to Tiny Buddha 🙂 and thank you for sharing! May I suggest that you go to the following thread to learn more about how to get your feelings of misery under control, which sounds exactly like your issue right now – Are Your FEELINGS making Your LIFE miserable?

    #43356
    bodhisatva
    Participant

    Dear Fe,
    As a man who recently broke up (She cheated, I couldnt get over it), I can tell you we don’t get over the Ex that easily. It was actually harder for me initially because i tend to bottle things up ( like a lot of us do), only after posting on this site and reading others’ stories I realised that it is the wrong way to deal with the pain, and so is trying to distract oneself with new interests. I now try to feel better about myself, be comfortable being single and try to forgive. Its been 4 months, I still cry occasionally and not a day goes by when I don’t think about her, but I have accepted the fact that it is OKAY for me to take my time as this is how time heals things. At some point I will be ready to date again, however it is not now. It seems like either your ex started this process while dating you or he is just delaying the inevitable by distracting himself away from his heart. In either case, its no longer your problem, you will have to take your time, however long, to forgive him and love yourself. And you will be the one coming out so much stronger, more confident and much more attractive. this site is a wonderful resource for doing that.

    Matt,
    I completely agree with the twisted concept of masculinity in the society. I myself am not the lumbarjack, but do tend to remain stoic. however, in my intimate relationships, i feel in order to be open and emotionally available, I may turn a bit clingy. And now is a wonderful time to realize it and try to change for the better, emotional and strong as you put it,
    Thanks for the post brother
    Namaste 🙂

    #43358
    John
    Participant

    I echo some of the experiences that other men have provided. I too left a relationship and then to mask the pain of loneliness, I quickly jumped into another relationship. Yes, from the outside it may have looked like I was having the time of my life, but remember, looks can be deceiving and all that glitters is not gold. Inside, I was distracting myself from the loss, taking passive revenge on my ex by trying to “have more fun” and “proving that I was over her”. All very unhealthy ways of coping and some ways it could have be considered “The Rebound”.

    As has been mentioned before, don’t allow his actions to affect or define how you reflect and feel about your relationship.

    #126760
    Priyadharshini
    Participant

    Hi All,
    My ex and I had an ON-OFF relationship. To be more precise, he used to be on and off with me but I was head-over-heels on him from the beginning. He used to say that he couldn’t think of me as “Wife” material and left me after some 4 years of relationship. I thought I was pushy so we talked and decided that we should start from the scratch as friends. It worked to some level. Like he started responding to my texts and calls and showed me enough interest in our talk and started feeling comfortable. When I thought this could work, his parents found a prospective bride for him and he is getting engaged tomorrow. I was shattered at the very thought of him with another woman. He said that I deserve more respect and that he wont give me. He will always be contended in life while I will starve if we get married. I could have proved this wrong. Because, I know what I should do if we get married. He is the kind of guy who wants to chase and get his meal and not something that is given in a platter. I wanted to give him what he wanted if only he could have accepted to meet me whenever I asked him. He was so workaholic. I didn’t mind that except when he uses it as a reason to avoid meetings. I was once his most important person but now, i have become an important guest to his engagement. He says that he remember all the things happened between us despite which he accepted this arranged marriage. He says that he doesn’t miss me like losing the best girl for marrying.

    I still love him. I promised that i will leave his life if ever he brings another girl. I have gave up whatsapp, facebook and soon .. my job so that I can fulfill my promise. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. Trying to breathe every minute is a pain. I couldn’t eat or sleep even if I want to. He now says that we can be friends forever but when I wanted him to open up and be friends to feel comfortable with me, he ran up the hills. Now how can I be friends?. Atleast one of us should be happy. Let him be. what else would i want? I’m planning to leave without saying so that he wont know and wont regret.

    What hurts me badly is when he told that “he will miss me in life but doesn’t when it comes to marriage decision.” I’m totally worthless. I’m trying to find my place in this world now.

    #126765
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear shanthipriya:

    You are going through the pain of separating from the object of your attachment, from this man. You can hardly breathe, you wrote, or eat or drink. This is the nature of the ending of a relationship where you experienced a strong attachment.

    But there is a “place in this world” for you, outside this relationship. Sometime you may meet another man who will see you as “wife material”- who will value you highly, as much as you value him.

    anita

    #126870
    Peter
    Participant

    “it is hard to know whether they are regretting their decision”… after a break-up there is a part of all of us that, no matter the nature of the break-up, wants/needs to believe/think the other regrets.

    Of course such questions about the ‘other’ after a breakup are a distraction from the real work that needs to be done for personal healing. What the other person does after a break-up is not about us. Still…

    My observation and experiences is that when it comes to break-ups and how genders respond or react to them the experiences are often interchangeable so it probably best not to generalize and associate one way of reacting as being gender based.

    For example my own experience appears to be the opposite of yours as it was my girlfriend that broke up with me and within months found another. On my darker days I imagined if she ever regretted the decision, if she hurt as much as I hurt… but those questions never help. Even now writing about it, I feel an old sense of betrayal rise. Was the love she professed a lie. Is love a lie…

    #126903
    lexy
    Participant

    Hi everyone. My boyfriend just broke up with me a week ago.
    We’ve been together almost a year. We’re different nationalities so it’s expected that we had a lot of differences. We met when he studied in my country for 4 months and we met on the first month coincidentally and I immediately felt an attraction to him. We became friends and hang out and he asked me to be his girlfriend on his 3rd month. He admitted that I was his first girlfriend that he was comfortable with that he didn’t have to pretend and he can be himself. He had 2 ex GFS from HS but the 2nd one lasted 3 years although they became LDR and both ex gf broke up with him. He loved me a lot I felt that. When I tried to break up before cause I got insecure of the distance he keeps calling and begging me not to leave and when I make a mistake and he try to break up I also try to convince him that we can still save the relationship. I was negative before and he helped me to become better and I did my best to support him. He left my country to study university abroad and we had a lot of fights and misunderstandings but eventually we always fixed it cause we don’t want to break up although we have said it a few times when we fight then he came back after 6 months he was supposed to be here for 2 months and we moved in together we were so happy but we started arguing again. There are times when it got physical but we always tried to reconcile and make things better. After two months together he decided to stay and study in my country instead and I was so happy but we had to separate. He needed to save money so he got a job with free accommodation so that he doesn’t need to pay and he can save the money for college since his parents won’t support him a lot anymore because they are against his decision of staying here. I lived with my dad again while he stayed in a city an hour or two away with some roomates. During his two months here we traveled a lot. He met my family and we had many memories. He always tells me that no one can compare to me even though there are many girls out there and that he will never lose me. And he loves me. I did my best to take care of him but when we separated he got kinda busy with his job but he tried to find the time to visit my house so he can relax. He always tells me that I’m the best but I’m annoying sometimes. He says this because if we argue I always try to fix while he try to avoid talking about it so becomes annoyed and when we fought I always tty to talk to him first and fix it. But when we have small arguments he tried to break up with me because he said he doesn’t like my personality. I begged him not leave and he gave me another chance then a week ago he stayed in my house for a week and everything was great. We traveled a lot and spent a lot of time. Until on the last night he slept there we had an argument about something small and he reacted so rude so I kept saying you don’t need to act like that but he keeps telling me to stop talking and I never changed. Then that night he didn’t want m to touch him so I let him be an I apologized and hugged him. The next day we were totally fine. He’s leaving afternoon and I made him breakfast, we cuddled, talked , laughed and even made love. Then he left and told me he’ll be back by Sunday again and even left some stuff. Then that night I noticed he blocked my Instagram on both accounts and I wanted to talk to him about my new job so i asked him to call but he keeps saying why I need to call and he straight up just texted goodnight and nothing else even I waited for him to call so I tried to call him a few times and he got annoyed and said he gave me a last chance I didn’t change and bye then he blocked my everything so there’s no way for me to contact him at all. I have one of his Instagram accounts password he uses two accounts one for personal and other for the blog I have the personal one and I unlocked myself to send him a message. A lot of messages actually I begged him to talk to me at least but he just deleted them and didn’t even read. The next day he sent me one message saying sorry that he can’t accept my personality and he can continue the relationship but he can’t see a future with me anymore. He always says these things when we fight and he said thanks for long time being together. Then he deleted all our pictures and still blocked me. The next day he deleted his personal account and I was so confused why when he could’ve just changed the password. That was important to him so I wonder why he’s so bitter. Then he went to sleep over his friends house for two days still avoiding contact with me and rejected every move that I made. I felt so depressed I loved this guy so much and did everything I could the only problem was that he said it’s my personality but honestly I always try to lower my pride when we fight. I wanna get him back but he seems to be done with me. He’s never done any of this before when we fought. He cut me off on everything. I don’t understand why he had to break up through text and avoid to talk to me then totally cut me off even after i gave up trying to convince him I told him I respect his decision. I don’t understand why it was too easy for him I knew he loved me a lot then suddenly it was so cold and he left so easy. He broke all his promises please help me.

    #126904
    lexy
    Participant

    Is he possibly thinking or is he gonna regret this? For him I was the ideal wife he loved that I always accepted and tried to understand everything even his negative side and he told me I think if my wife is not same as your personality we won’t be together. Then we should also talk about our future plans about getting our own place and dog and eventually have a family and kids . He’s the one who initiates these conversations. I honestly thought our relationship meant something to him. Btw he’s Japanese and 23. We’re serious in our relationship but plan to only settle when were 27 or sth. He also told me before that to be with me in this life is a decision he already made. Even after he was stressed and yelled at me I cried and after a while he called crying because he got insecure about his future when he talked to some businessmen who didn’t like his idea. I was the first girl he cried in front of. And he can really show everything so I’m so confused why it’s very easy for him now and he seems to be happy. He’s adding a lot of girls o line and maybe even meeting them. He’s attractive and I’m sure a lot of girls from here would really like him.

    #126912
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear lexylexy07:

    From your two posts, it is clear that you and your ex boyfriend had too many fights, way too many. Actually, one fight would have been one too many. It really is not necessary.

    I think it is a very good thing that this relationship is now over. I hope that in your next relationship you will know peace, not war, and that in his next relationship, with another woman, he too, will know peace, not war.

    anita

    #126936
    Brav3
    Participant

    Fe Martin,

    I can actually related to your post and say the same about women from my case. My ex Gf left me for another guy and now she is having a time for her life and I am still single. Does women regret ?

    Now, coming back to your question. There is a problem with question itself about men. First why do you want to know if your ex is regretting ? And how do you know if he’s having a time of his life? You can’t read his mind, can you?

    You are seeking answers for questions that will keep you in this loop of breakup and misery. So, look beyond this event, bring your attention back to yourself. Its your choice to stay stuck in this rut or learn and grow from it.

    Look for ways to learn to let go, to be comfortable with difficult emotions and to be happy without anyone.

    Hope that points you in some direction.

    Good luck
    Brav3

    #127621
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    My life was destroyed when my husband sent me packing, after 13 years we have been together. I was lost and helpless after trying so many ways to my husband back to me. One day at work, I was distracted, not knowing that my boss called me, so he sat and asked me what it was all about, I told him and he smiled and said it was no problem. I never understood what he meant by it was no problem getting back my husband, he said he used a spell to get back his wife when she left him for another man, and now they are together till date and initially I was shocked hearing something from my boss. He gave me an email address of the Prophet Abuvia which helped him get his wife back, I never believed that this would work, but I had no choice coming into contact with the sayings that I get done, and he asked for my information and that my husband was able to propose to throw him the spell and I sent him the details, but after two days, my mother called me that my husband was pleading that he wants me back, I never believed, because it was just a dream and I had to rush off to my mother’s place and to my greatest surprise, was kneeling my husband beg me for forgiveness that he wants me and the child back home, when I gave prophet Abuvia a conversation regarding sudden change of my husband and he made clear to me that my husband will love me until the end of the world, that he will never leave for another woman. Now me and my husband is back together and started doing funny things he has not done before, he makes me happy and do what it is supposed to do as a man without nagging. Please if you need help of any kind need, please contact Prophet Abuvia for help. His email is prophet.abuvia@gmail.com his website is http://prophetAbuviasolutiontemple.webs.com/

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