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Peter

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  • #321613

    Peter
    Participant

     I am curious about this:

    The thought ‘I should just kill myself’ could be the subconscious suggesting that your stuckness may be due to an attachment or your sense of self/ego whose time has past.

    And also this:

    What would it feel like to engage with the life that shows up and see where it goes? 

    What does this look like? I think I sort-of understand, but would like to better understand what you mean.

    The two thoughts may be connected. Something about the story you have attached your sense of ego/self to is stopping you from ‘showing up’ to your life.  The practice of mindfulness (noticing without judging or labeling – we tend to attach our sense of self to our labeling and judging) and meditation (watching the cluttered mind while not attaching to it) can help in the task of letting go of our attachment to ego. (An ego remains, it what we communicate our experiences through, however the realization is that You are not your ego.)  The death of this attachment to ego frees you to be you.

    So, what would it look like to let go of the stories you have been attaching yourself to that have left you stuck and instead engage with Life as it shows up so that you might write a better story of which you are consciously the author?

    When you engage with life as it shows up everything is a possibility and your path will show itself.  That does not mean saying yes to everything that comes your way.  It means being honest with yourself so that when you do say yes or no it comes from an authentic place.  Not a place of fear, or expectations, or should s, or what will others think….

    #321517

    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Janine

    I f*cking hate that I am this way. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have been this way as long as I can remember. I feel like I can’t commit to anything…. I am worried that I should just kill myself

    I’ve only read you initial post and I’m sure Anita will address looking into the reasons you might have gotten stuck in acting in ways you do not wish to act.

    In the hero’s journey the idea of death is often a symbol for the desire of transformation, not a physical death but more often then not an ego death. The thought ‘I should just kill myself’ could be the subconscious suggesting that your stuckness may be due to an attachment or your sense of self/ego whose time has past. (Change is often felt by the ego as a physical dying and so its understandable we hang on to what we ‘know’ and fight when the task is to let go.)

    The title of your post, ‘can’t commit to Life’ struck me. Personally, I prefer the word engage with Life then commit. Words matter and for me, engage implies participation with what shows up.

    The reality is that Life happens to us with or without our commitment to it.  That may seem bleak however it isn’t as Life does not demand anything of us, its free. We are loved freely. Life does not give us meaning or purpose, it is we that give life meaning and purpose. We are free to engage as we are, the gift to learn and grow. We are not committed on one path, we get to discover our own.

    What would it feel like to engage with the life that shows up and see where it goes? Don’t get me wrong there is a place for discipline and goals and now may be a time to engage with discipline to get unstuck. Engage with your classes without labeling yourself. Forget try just do, detach your sense of self from your inner dialog and do. What doors might open?

    One step, then the next. That’s how everyone does it, even if you imagine they don’t. One step, then the next…

    #321383

    Peter
    Participant

     ‘How do we walk around in a world full of shadow traps?’  As the individuals we were created to be.  Every being on this planet was born out of love.  That is who we are.  Gandhi is right.  Once we change ourselves the tendencies in the world will also change.

     

    Love, one of those words we think we ‘know’. I suspect that if our expectation of love is that we never experience pain, as the song goes, we don’t know love at all. Perhaps then, the shadow traps are not so much traps but gateways to a better relationship to Love ‘as it is’ the pain and the joy. A love transparent to the transcendent blossoming when we are it.

    There is a character in the TV show ‘A Million Little Things’ whose Husband had/has a drinking problem, cheated on her with one of their best friends which resulted in a child and has chosen to stay in relationship with her husband, family and friends.

    The expectation as we watch is for the drama of divorce and separation. She has been betrayed. We learn that over the last few years she wasn’t fully engaged in the marriage however that is no excuse for the betrayal.  She/we deserve better, society expects/demands it, justice demands it, the cost of betrayal is separation, everyone knows that.

    We watch puzzled, the character is determined to respond and make a real choice that comes from within, who she is. There have been no ultimatums, no demands or for that matter any talk of forgiveness.  Only Space. Is this a unrealistic character on tv or is it possible… We watch, She’s done something….

    The character has chosen to choose over ego.  This is not a sacrificing of love for love, but Love coming from loving herself. The experience of betrayal opening her up to herself, she is choosing… and has made herself more. She is expanded.

    There is a hermetic riddle. As above so below, as below so above. We are influenced yet in the same moment we influence. That is not a paradox. We are part of the whole, inseparable, smaller then small and bigger then big… we are the change we see.

    #320581

    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Angel

    So Much of our anxiety is created not by what does or does not happen to us but by our thoughts on how we view the past and imagine the future. Nothing chases away the opportunity for the experience of happiness then paying to attaching our sense of self to our memories and fears of the future.  Identifying ourselves with these thoughts will most assuredly take us out of the present.  The possibility of the experience of happiness lies in the present. Seeking it in the past and what might be works against us. (Happiness isn’t something we create but something we experience. These moments can occur taking out the garbage or curing cancer.)

    “The car goes where the eyes go” without awareness the eyes tend to focus on our fears, and doing so that is what we crash into.  Mindfulness and meditation may help.

    In Mindfulness you learn to notice when your eyes/thoughts are focused on the past and or future and how your sense of self is being influenced by that focus.  Ask yourself if you notice feeling bad about feeling bad. That would be an indication that you have attached your sense of self to how you feel. Try not to judge or label yourself for doing that. The practice is to notice. Eventually you may notice you can experience your feelings and thoughts about your feelings without “being” your thoughts and feelings.

    In Meditation you learn how to detach yourself from thoughts and emotion. You are not your memories, you are not your future, you are not your feelings, you are not your thoughts. There are thoughts, there are feelings, there are experiences… You are not that.

    The “quite mind” is not a mind that stops chattering, but a way of being that does not attach identity and or sense of self to the chatter.  Your mind is doing what it was designed to do, you are not your mind….

    Best wishes

    #320391

    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Harshita
    With regards to the question: How to become responsible for your own happiness. I really like today’s blog

    https://tinybuddha.com/blog/happiness-fun-blog/i-spent-years-looking-for-happiness-in-the-wrong-places/

    #319687

    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Priyanka

    I suspect many of us on this forum have found ourselves experiencing this loss of passion at one time or another. It’s a thought spot to be in. Such experiences can also be linked to depression so talking to someone could be helpful.

    You write about looking for that job that spark joy. I don’t think you can know what will spark joy unless you’re in it. The good news is that you’re at a point where you don’t have anything to lose so all doors are possibilities.  To find what your looking for you have to engage with life. A place to start may be in dropping the should s that seem to be dominating your internal dialog. Should’s suck the life out of life

    Joy is an emotion that comes as a surprise, not so much as something we create or can cling to. Only by engaging with Life can we be surprised by Joy. Hope is the art of being passive as not forcing things, while active as being ready to pounce when possibilities present themselves. You can lean on this type of hope.

    Be kind to your self. Everything starts by taking a step.

    You may enjoy the movie ‘Brittany runs a marathon’

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 2 days ago by  Peter.
    #314049

    Peter
    Participant

    Nice. Even the God part.

    All words are symbols and unpacking a word  like ‘God’ has resulted in millions of books and billions of words so its understandable that each of us relates/triggers to it differently.

    #314043

    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Alecsee

    When you say “Letting Go” what does that look like to you?

    For the longest time when I was given the advice to Let go I misunderstood and felt like I was being asked to forget and or pretend nothing happened.

    I’ve learned that ‘Letting go’ is not a forgetting or indifference to our experience but entering fully in the flow of the experience. Even if the experience was the memory of the event.  Letting Go is a release from blocking experience to allowing the even or memory of the event to be experienced as It Is in the present. Through the concept of ‘letting go’ we ‘Detach’ our sense of ‘self’ and or ‘ego’  allowing moment to flow as it is in the moment.

    We Let Go or Let Flow our attachments to our thoughts and memories. In this way we avoid dwelling on a thought or memory which often includes emotions such as regret. Regretting = dwelling = Blockage vice flow

    I also don’t think I’m as open to change as I use to be.

    The thing with change is that it happens slowly then all at once. We tend not to notice all the small stuff of change until we notice a result. Change is also a flow.

    #312745

    Peter
    Participant

    I suspect that everyone at sometime in their lives feels this way. There is this idea in phycology called ‘persona’. A persona is a kind of mask we put on as we interact with other. Persona’s are not fake. While at work one would not put on the persona of Husband, Wife, Brother, Sister, Son, Daughter…  that would just be weird.

    When we first become aware that we have persona’s, masks, roles to play, its natural to wonder, oh I must be fake.

    In Buddhist teaching we are reminded that we are not our persona’s. we are not there role we take on, we are our emotions, we are not our thoughts…  It is however when we over identify with a specific persona, emotion, thought that we are not being real.

    For example, ‘I am a businessman’ Everything I see and do comes through perspective of the businessman. When I succeed in business, I’m good, when I fail, I’m bad. You can see how that is going to be problematic especially when the ‘businessman’ needs to relate to others as perhaps Father, Son, Lover, Friend…. The role of businessman is not fake. Its just not appropriate when relating to a partner.

    Anyway, you’re are a point where your noticing the various roles you have with the realization that you are not your roles. This is understandably uncomfortable, but not fake. It is through our roles and interactions with others that we learn about ourselves.

    My advice for what its worth is to pay attention, play a bit with the roles you take on, what fits, what doesn’t fit, what is helpful what is not.? Are you over identified by a role taken on? If so why?

    As you discover this thing that is you, be kind

    #312125

    Peter
    Participant

    My understanding of the Chakra’s is that psychologically the root Chakra is the ID. A person who is all reaction, spending little time thinking for themselves or at all.

    The second Chakra would be the will to pleasure and the third the will to power. The first three Chakra’s or objective with the focus on the outer world.

    Chakra four is the heart as the focus moves inward, five the will to power directed inward as mastering the self, six will to pleasure transform as love inward and expanded, seven unification – problem of opposites.

    We tend to move from Chakra to Chakra, perhaps even within a single breath.  Unless you are really negative, controlling and demanding of those you care about follow the rules and provide for you I don’t think your stuck at the root Chakra.

    I didn’t get that impression from what I read. Continue on being the change you wish to see and the money issue will change

    #311941

    Peter
    Participant

    There are no answers only questions…. That said the following pretty much answers it all

    “I don’t get it,’ Caroline said, bemused. ‘She’s the only one with wings. Why is that?’
    There were so many questions in life. You couldn’t ever have all the answers. But I knew this one.
    It’s so she can fly,’ I said. Then I started to run.” ― Sarah Dessen , The Truth About Forever

    “You spend your whole life looking for answers because you think the next answer will solve all your problems: make you a little less miserable, because when you run out of questions you don’t just run out of answers… you run out hope.” – House

     

    The Riddle” – Five for Fighting

    There was a man back in ’95
    Whose heart ran out of summers
    But before he died, I asked him

    Wait, what’s the sense in life
    Come over me, Come over me

    He said,

    Son why you got to sing that tune
    Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
    Let an angel swing and make you swoon
    Then you will see… You will see

    Then he said,

    Here’s a riddle for you
    Find the Answer
    There’s a reason for the world
    You and I…

    Picked up my kid from school today

    Did you learn anything cause in the world today
    You can’t live in a castle far away
    Now talk to me, come talk to me

    He said,

    Dad I’m big but we’re smaller than small
    In the scheme of things, well we’re nothing at all
    Still every mother’s child sings a lonely song
    So play with me, come play with me

    And Hey Dad
    Here’s a riddle for you
    Find the Answer
    There’s a reason for the world
    You and I…

    I said,

    Son for all I’ve told you
    When you get right down to the
    Reason for the world…
    Who am I?

    There are secrets that we still have left to find
    There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
    There are answers we’re not wise enough to see

    He said… You looking for a clue I Love You free…

    The batter swings and the summer flies
    As I look into my angel’s eyes
    A song plays on while the moon is high over me
    Something comes over me

    I guess we’re big and I guess we’re small
    If you think about it man you know we got it all
    Cause we’re all we got on this bouncing ball
    And I love you free
    I love you freely

    Here’s a riddle for you
    Find the Answer
    There’s a reason for the world
    You and I…

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 4 weeks ago by  Peter.
    • This reply was modified 1 month, 4 weeks ago by  Peter.
    • This reply was modified 1 month, 4 weeks ago by  Peter.
    #311937

    Peter
    Participant

    Hi G

    I’m sorry to hear your struggling.

    “The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly the one you’ll never have.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

    Now that school is finished it appears your mourning the future you imagined before the illness. There is a time for all things and that includes mourning.

    Your reaching out so now may be a time to move on from where you’re at.

    Meditation and mindfulness may be helpful tools getting to a place where you can accept your situation. I might also seek out professional help in dealing with your depression.

    I wish you well. Be kind to yourself

    When in a similar emotional state, I found the book ‘Learning to Fall: The Blessings of an Imperfect Life’ by Philip Simmons. The book helped me put things in perspective.

     

    #311603

    Peter
    Participant

    We tend to desire Purpose as an objective experience, a job a passion… but such experiences can’t last. The truth is the experience exists in the moment and like all moments flows by.

    Whether you notice it or not, all that you are, as you are, and do is purpose and gives meaning to life (life does not give you meaning you give meaning to life). What your looking to experience then may not be purpose.

    Some Quotes on purpose and meaning by – Joseph Campbell

      “We’re so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being alive, is what it is all about.  – Joseph Campbell

    “People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.”

    “Life is not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be lived.”

    “We’re not on our journey to save the world but to save ourselves. But in doing that you save the world”

    “We’re in a freefall into future. We don’t know where we’re going. Things are changing so fast, and always when you’re going through a long tunnel, anxiety comes along. And all you have to do to transform your hell into a paradise is to turn your fall into a voluntary act. It’s a very interesting shift of perspective and that’s all it is… joyful participation in the sorrows and everything changes”

    #311305

    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Daniel

    the book ‘Iron John’ by Robert Bly may be of interest to you.

     

     

    #311247

    Peter
    Participant

    To think about thinking… Is there anything else we can do while doing it? See while seeing, hear while hearing, smell while smelling, taste while tasting, feel while feeling…

    “A simple enough process seems to be in the present and take it as it happens. This though easy to state, is not as easy when it comes to the practice of it.”

    The reality is that we are always in the present.  In that sense there is no try it already is. It’s an illusion that the thoughts of the past or the future happen in the past or the future. They occur in the present and we deal with them as we deal with all things as it happens. The practice isn’t to make it happen but to accept it’s how it is.

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