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  • in reply to: Overwhelmed, Exhausted, and Anxious #386260

    Hi 03

    I think its good to remember the difference between like and love.  I’ve always thought that it was a good thing that the ask was to ‘Love one neighbor as oneself’  and not ‘Like one neighbor as oneself’  as it it always possible to Love someone (or ones pets) in those moments when you don’t like them. (even when Love requires a relationship to end)

    I might argue that it is precisely in those moments of dislike when we lean on Love.

    Liking and disliking will always  ebb and flow while Love is the one thing that can be practiced as a constant.

    in reply to: Letting go of injustice #385594

    Hi DC
    I have to say you have a gift for expressing your self in words.

    I’d like to share a story that I often think about

    Let me tell you one story here, of a samurai warrior, a Japanese warrior, who had the duty to avenge the murder of his overlord. And he actually, after some time, found and cornered the man who had murdered his overlord. And he was about to deal with him with his samurai sword, when this man in the corner, in the passion of terror, spat in his face. And the samurai sheathed the sword and walked away.

    Why did he do that?  Had  the Samurai acted from a place of anger at being spat it would not have been the same as in acting from his sense of ‘duty’ –  his authentic self. For most of us, I think, its easier to take action clinking to the energy generated from ‘being angry’ or better yet ‘being righteous’ in our anger… only such anger tends to burn everyone involved and usually involves ego and a desire for control.   Had the Samurai acted from anger attached to ego the end result for the murder would have been the same but He would have been changed.

    Acting from the core of ones authentic self, the still point, The samurai acts as he must. The samurai leaves the SC not out of anger or disappointment but because it is the correct action for the samurai to take.  That is the impression I get when reading your posts. That you are leaving not out of ego or anger but that in this moment of time that is what the situation calls for.  No other reasons required



    in reply to: Death of my husband #385592

    Jackie – So sorry for the struggle you find yourself in. Thank you for sharing as I think many can relate.

    I read the following from Matt Haig today

    A thing my dad said once when we were lost in a forest

    We had gone for a run. About half an hour in, my dad realized the truth. “Oh, it seems that we’re lost.” We walked around and around in circles, trying to find the path, but with no luck. My dad asked men – poachers – for directions and they sent us the wrong way. I could tell my dad was starting to panic, even as he was trying to hide it from me. We had been in the forest for hours now and both knew my mom would be in a state of absolute terror. At school, I had just been told the story of the Israelites who had died in the wilderness and I found it easy to imagine that would be our fate to….

    “If we keep going in a straight line we’ll get out of here”, my dad said

    And he was right. Eventually we heard the sounds of cars and reached a main road. We were eleven miles from the village where we had started off, but at least we had signposts now.

    I often think of that strategy, when I am totally lost – literally or metaphorically. I thought of it when I was in the middle of a breakdown. When I was living in a panic attack punctuated only by depression, when my heart pounded rapidly with fear, when I hardly knew who I was and didn’t know how I could carry on living.  If we keep going in a straight line we’ll get out of here.

    Walking one foot in front of the other, in the same direction, will always get you further than running around in circles. It’s about the determination to keep walking forward – The comfort Book by Matt Haig

    in reply to: Letting go of injustice #385555

    Sorry DC I didn’t mean to imply I was suggesting you continue as a member of the SC. I agreed with Anita on that. Sometimes

    I was talking about the idea of detachment and letting go in general.

    From what I read your authentic self requires you to speak up when you notice wrong doing, while your anxiety and sleepless nights appear to be attached to the outcome of speaking out.  Begs the question is it possible to be act as our authentic self requires us to act and be detached? The middle way would be to detach oneself from the outcomes (good or bad) as you engage (engagement can involve stepping away). Being still within ones actions…

    Not easy… We all have a desire to be ‘seen’ and heard’, which is where healthy boundaries come in and that in this case may require you to step away from the SC and create some space to breath. (Sometimes Love requires a relationship to end)

    In this space you may decide to meditate on why and how you take on the police role? I’m not suggesting that your actions are in anyway ‘in the wrong’ only that its a good way to learn things about oneself. Try to do so with out attaching labels to your thoughts or self on the matter.

    Each role we play has a time and place as well as various methods. Another question you might ask is if their are ways to engage in the these ‘roles’ that are more successful then others? For example when I attempt the police role in the past I became a ‘hammer that saw every situation as a nail’. Worked great on the situation that really were nails not so much on the ones that weren’t.

    in reply to: Letting go of injustice #385546

    Hi DC

    However, perhaps the time has come for me to step back. Should I resign and just “let go” of the situation in the Buddhist way? Am I too attached to this?

    Just wanted to say something about the “Buddhist way” of letting go as I understand it. A unskillful detachment often leads to indifference and a giving up. A skillful detachment is a doing by not doing, action and stillness…  In the situation you describe a setting of healthy boundary might involve a detachment from outcome while engaged in the process, being true to yourself.

    That said I agree with Anita, as in all things their is a time and now might be a time to take a step back and center yourself. Not as a fight or flight reaction to the situation but a middle way.

    There is so much injustice in our world its a challenge to know when take a stand, when to ‘be the policeman’, the ‘social worker’, the’ peacemaker’…  all have their time and place. I feel the most important is that when we act regardless of how (which role we play) we do so from our center, being honest with ourselves regardless of result.


    in reply to: Its funny how life works #385009

    “I think by the time you’re grown you’re as happy as you’re goin to be. You’ll have good times and bad times, but in the end you’ll be about as happy as you was before. Or as unhappy. I’ve knowed people that just never did get the hang of it.” – No Country for Old Men

    Saw this quote today and thought of this thread. Funny how life works… enough to make you cry

    I hate that movie – No Country for Old Men – It was so depressing and I didn’t want to think their was any truth in it, while a part of me new their was. I didn’t like the truth shoved in my face that way.

    in reply to: I’m sad #384980

    Hi Sputnik

    Before Sputnik reach orbit their was were a lot of disappointing misses. Your name then answers your question. Yes, keep trying, learning, growing and one day…

    I think writing is one of those things that requires perseverance. A great profession or hobby where one can practice the art of detachment. You are are not defined by what anyone thinks about your writing.  Write, have fun, experiment, take classes, talk to other authors, get feedback, learn, grow, learn, grow.

    A few years back I talked to a author  Kathryn Craft  who wrote ‘The Art of Falling’ I believe took here 19 years to complete. Her process involved workshopping with a group of like minded people who wanted to write.

    • This reply was modified 4 weeks, 1 day ago by Peter.
    in reply to: Its funny how life works #384939

    A world which most people dislike me, create words and logic to shame me, to guilt me, a world where its so expensive to get any basic needs, a world where all of your actions has severe consequences, a world with no help, a world where nothing is free, a world with no one to trust, even your parents, a world where your whole personality and feelings and thoughts is determined by your parents and environment, a world set only for the majority of people.

    Justified if the ‘world’ spends that much time focused on a single person.

    I was just reading this days home blog – Free Yourself by Realizing How Unimportant You Are.  A person could read something like that and become angry, disappointed or free… probably dependent on the mood their in.

    A world set only for the majority of the people? I wonder how many people feel like that and suspect they are not in the  majority? My guess is the majority of people do. Such a world view is very self centered, or you centered. Maybe all world views are…

    Interesting how you define a lie. If someone tells you about something that works for them but you discover doesn’t for you… its a lie? A Lie that justifies anger where others might just be disappointed.

    I’ve never liked that word ‘Justification’ to be justified… its almost always followed by someone doing something horrible. It feels good for a time though… similar to righteousness.. nothing like the power in the feeling of being justifiably righteous… until one ends up alone. (not saying you are doing that)

    Perhaps you notice how the denial is so often the preface to the justification.” ― Christopher Hitchens

    “The talent for self-justification is surely the finest flower of human evolution, the greatest achievement of the human brain. When it comes to justifying actions, every human being acquires the intelligence of an Einstein, the imagination of a Shakespeare, and the subtlety of a Jesuit.” (sarcasm) ― Michael Foley, The Age Of Absurdity: Why Modern Life Makes It Hard To Be Happy

    The unteachable man is sentenced to being thought only by experience. The tragedy is he reaches nothing further than his own pain. – Criss Jami, Killosophy

    Haven’t read those books but like the titles – Killosophy – kinds of says it all in one word in the ‘Age of Absurdity

    Sorry still board

    in reply to: Its funny how life works #384933


    It not uncommon to work against ones ‘good’.

    I disagree, biologically we are meant to seek our good and what benefits us, most of healthy minded people do, unless you really hate yourself or were programmed to please people instead of your own.

    Perhaps that might be true if man was only a biological creature that was mostly unconscious and functioned from the position of the Id.

    In what I call beginning stories like Genesis the birth of consciousness comes at the price of being ejected from paradise. (I’m using the story as metaphor not literal historic fact so don’t outright disagree with me or tune out based on that).

    The eating the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil is not the same ‘knowing’ what is good and evil. It is this confrontation with ‘knowing of’ but not ‘knowing what is’ that consciousness arises. – Consciousness and the problem of opposites, duality, are connected. No confrontation or tension, no consciousness.  Consciousness and the garden can’t exist together.

    A baby slowly becomes aware of its being as separate from mother (garden), though the tensions of opposites. A baby relieves itself which experienced as good notices unconsciously mother face of disgust reacting to the smell. Something that feels good is reflected (mirrored) back as not ‘good’, not smiling, a something becomes conscious… ‘knowledge of’ but not ‘knowledge of what is’, just a ‘something’, a feeling…

    The reaction to a wakening consciousness of the knowledge of but not what is good and bad, is shame. That something about our being, our naked authentic selves is wrong, does not smell ‘right’.. and must be hidden from others and even ourselves.

    We put on clothes, personas, that clothes don’t fit. “Relieving” ourselves a biological good experienced as something that smells and wrong so we “constipate” ourselves, working against our good (and the flow of life) working against ourselves. (I know you don’t like the word ‘self ‘ but what ever part of you that experiences you)

    I have never met anyone who was so mentally healthy that they do not struggle with the problem of opposites and its implications.

    That said you may be correct that the process which involves suffering and getting things wrong is of the greater ‘Good’. That what seems to me as working against my good, even biological good, can be views as being the GOOD as it results in consciousness – Life desires to be conscious of Life which cannot happen in the garden. Thus, Life is never at war with Life, everything is as it must be (like it or not)… I can never work against my own ‘good’ as even my experience with suffering is Life and so  ‘Good’…

    Which is not how I experience myself nor is it a tension I can hold for long (sometimes in meditation)… Which is why We work against ourselves – I do the things I do not wish to do and do not do the things I wish to do.  I am a contradiction.

    That was fun 😊

    in reply to: Its funny how life works #384852

    I believe I told you we would be talking across each other

    I imagine a person that lives as if dead would live fearlessly with nothing to lose yet I am full of fears

    This is where you project, you think that i am full of fears and a has a victim mentality.

    I wasn’t talking about you I was talking about myself. Thus my pervious comment on Empathy I don’t think you ‘see’ others.

    Why? Why you feel the need to project your truth?

    I don’t think you understand what I mean by projection and shadow work. Projection is something that happens and tends to be unconscious. By acknowledging my projections I was attempting to pull them back and take ownership of them.  I fully admitted that with some self reflection that I realized I was projecting onto your posts.  that I wasn’t talking to you I was essentially talking to myself. Sorry it wasn’t ‘all about You’.

    I don’t know you, I can only read your posts. Your post do not come across as indicating you are happy or that your life philosophy is working for you.  If I’m wrong the fault may not just be mine but your communication. I suggest you do some more research on how people often unconsciously work against their best interest.

    If your happy being unhappy great, I don’t want to go on that ride anymore.

    I’ll leave it like that


    It not uncommon to work against ones ‘good’.

    I disagree, biologically we are meant to seek our good and what benefits us, most of healthy minded people do, unless you really hate yourself or were programmed to please people instead of your own.

    in reply to: Its funny how life works #384822

    but more to the point that you don’t want anyone to agree with you. You wish to be unique in your suffering

    If that’s true i wouldn’t feel so good when anita agreed with me, to me agreeing with my point of view meaning the other person understands it.

    Did you feel good, do you still feel good about that?

    Your confusing me. You have said multiple that “You are a victim”

    I will make it simple for you, lets take an example, a raped person is a victim right? Would you call him a victim or would you say “no don’t say you are a victim, that will make you trapped in a victim mentality”?

    I acknowledge that i was a victim just like a raped person acknowledge that he is a victim.

    A person  can be a victims of crimes and not take on the persona of victim, not ‘be’ a victim.  When I read through your posts I hear a person who’s life philosophy is rooted in ‘being’ a victim. I could be wrong.

    Now let me explain why i think the victim definition works for me, similar to rape, bad things happened to the person which was outside of his control and couldn’t do otherwise, and he has to deal with the consequences of this thing the rest of his life, i have been raped, not physically, but mentally, by many ideas and beliefs, by shame and gulit, i was too young to understand, by my mother and father, by my environment, my mother the so insecure person that will blame a child just so she can feel good about herself, that will use him to satisfy her needs and not care about his needs.

    These things, ultimately made me choose what i choose now, if you claim that your suffering is similar, then you would ended up just like me, even if i indeed have victim mentality and it is the reason why im so miserable, it wouldn’t matter now, because it won’t be change by me.

    The reality is that for most things Life happens to us that our not of our choosing and control. We control very little even if or limited linear ego consciousness likes to think it can. We do not choose to be born, our parents, the traditions born into…. From such a perspective we are all victims of circumstances. So what?

    How it is that so many rape victims transcend the experience?

    Your making a huge assumption that everyone with the same life experiences as you would come to the same conclusions as you.  You assume that someone can be exactly the same as another and experience the same conditions the some way. A quick observation of others clearly shows that is not true. No snowflake is alike.   You also assume that only such a person could possible ‘understand’ and know you. This is a very limited definition of the word ‘understanding’ and “understood”.

    that this is the foundation of your life philosophy, stuckness and anger centers on you being a victim. (could be wrong)

    Maybe you are right, does that change anything ?

    I don’t know… I suspect that if change is possible we have to own our thinking and beliefs. We don’t tend to do something that doesn’t work for us in some way, even if it harms us. Something in your Life philosophy is working for you but only by owning it will you discover what that is. Only then might you ask the question if it really working for you or against you. It not uncommon to work against ones ‘good’.

    “Does it change anything” this triggers my shadow of despair as I also wonder if change is possible, and what’s the point… I’m notice that I’m projecting my need that change is possible onto your posts. I am not saying we are the same, or that I ‘know’/’understand’ you when I talk of shadow.  Actually when we project its not possible to see the other, we are only looking at ourselves we do not recognize.  A shadow consists of the things we do not want to see in ourselves.  Oddly that can be the worst things we fear as well as the best..

    I read your posts and find myself imagining a person that has surrendered to being life’s victim.  That is trap I’m afraid of falling into…. again. In those worst moments I wish I had not been born and long for death… but I don’t do anything about it and I don’t live as if I were dead. I imagine a person that lives as if dead would live fearlessly with nothing to lose yet I am full of fears.  I suspect my thoughts of death is really a desire for change which I don’t always believe is possible which I know is a contradiction. Like so many I work against myself.  In that I imagine we are the similar.

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Peter.
    in reply to: Ups are ups and downs are disappointing #384820

    That was a lot to experience in such a short time. Thanks for sharing Michael

    Its odd how you can feel so much that it can feel like nothing. Its so easy to get stuck in that. I’m not sure its something we control at least not by will power, which I think only amplifies the emotions.

    Most of the advice I’ve read on this is to take moments to be still and ‘focus’ on feeling what you feel, bring them out of the general numbness of being. The intent is to allow the emotions to flow by not attaching a sense of self to the emotion. You have emotions, your are not your emotions.

    Lately I find I been wanting to scream, to exhaust myself in a good scream and rant, sometimes that helps to 🙂




    in reply to: Its funny how life works #384815

    If it is true that you had similar experience, why i didn’t ended up agreeing with your logic?

    I don’t think your great a empathy (could be wrong) but more to the point that you don’t want anyone to agree with you. You wish to be unique in your suffering.

    You are a victim and not going to do anything.  Is that the ultimate truth or just your point of view?

    Your confusing me. You have said multiple that “You are a victim”.  So yes I believe you when you say that you experience your ‘you’ as being a victim. It is my impression that this is the foundation of your life philosophy, stuckness and anger centers on you being a victim. (could be wrong)

    Is it a ultimate truth? I don’t think so, but that is for you to answer.  I’ve seen people change their point of view and so their outlook but you might be right when you say your not capable of such a thing for the many reasons you have given. Even if you were capable you have said multiple times that you wouldn’t try.  Confusing to me your either capable or not… but your going to argue that you are capable but nothing will change, so why bother. Essentially then not capable, or the question of capability is moot.  You have decided to be right.

    As with most of the dialog its just going to go in circle. Even when you agree you tell yourself, sorry your you, and us you don’t

    When I thanked you for reveling my own shadow I wasn’t thanking you for agreeing with me, or ‘seeing’ me, or understanding me…. I don’t need that from the virtual world. We will always speak past each other. But even in that, the opportunity to learn something about one self  was available.

    So thanks for engaging even if it turns out I was only talking to myself.

    in reply to: Its funny how life works #384791

    Anyway Murtaza I do want to thank you. I don’t think I’ve help you in anyway but you have in your way helped me.

    The darkness and contradictions I read into your posts are very much within me as well and I would be lying If did not admit that I have at times also reached the same conclusions. I ought not to pretend otherwise.

    in reply to: Its funny how life works #384788

    you think i feel im a victim and won’t do anything about my suffering, you are wrong,

    i think its the truth im a victim and i won’t do anything not because of that, but because life is shit, and i hate it all, and you know what, fuck connection, i don’t want it, you can have it.

    I’ve read that over a few times… you are a master of…   You arrived at the same conclusion and was still able to say I was wrong.
    You are a victim and not going to do anything.

    Your reasons of why you won’t do anything don’t matter… unless your looking for some one to argue about your reasons and convince you otherwise,… if true here you show your at war with your ‘you’ as you have shown  no intention of changing your mind – that would be doing something and you won’t do anything.  You don’t want connection, Life is shit  ‘and should not be’ . You shake your fists at a g_d you do not believe in and deny the thing you want.

    Not a unique response to Life as it is.  No is in my opinion a valid response if unskillful. So what is your point? What do you want? Permission?

    I see your posts as my shadow. My tendency to depression and giving up, wanting to get off this ride, hopelessness… the contraction of doing the things I do not wish to do and doing the things I wish not to do.  Perhaps a difference is that I usually realize when I’m doing those things.

    Anyway if your going to be Stuck, embrace your stuckness. Whining about stuckness is just another contradiction.

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Peter.
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