Esther,

You ask some good questions, very normal questions to ask when digesting presence. Consider the story: there is a woman that is thirsty, and she goes hunting for a well. She wanders through a desert for a long time and finally finds a well. As she drinks, her body unwinds, stress melts, and she feels better. But now she feels chained to the well. So she goes a few feet, exploring, and then runs back to the well. Perhaps realizes she becomes thirsty when she leaves the well, but still wishes to explore away from the well. Wants to get off the cushion and go do stuff that pulls her mind away from the feeling of presence. She becomes scared that to feel open, she has to just sit all day by the well.

Consider: she is the well, always. Said differently, plan the future, but be present, in your body, while you do it. Calm in the mind, while you do it. Those planned adventures won’t bring us the water, we bring the water to the adventure. See?

With warmth,
Matt