Dear Desmond:

Having read your last post, your “crimes” clarified, I look at the title of your thread: “Help me get rid of abusive behavior”- and I clearly see the “abusive behavior” as her abusive behavior.

For some reason, it has been established in your mind, that nothing short of a saintly behavior on your part is acceptable. You are not a saint. You are human.

Your belief that you are the victimizer, the abuser and she is the victimized, the abused is incorrect, untrue. It is the other way around.

You incorrectly believe that you committed a crime or crimes against this woman (you have not) and that you deserve punishment and making it up to her by giving up your person and life, that is, your life being about her, what she needs and what she wants. Your punishment is … no longer living YOUR life, no longer having your needs, your wants, your preferences matter or be a point of consideration.

No wonder your libido is low or non-existing- you are in the process of giving up your whole personhood, not only your sexual desire.

You are an adult and so, you have the legal right to give up your person and life, be imprisoned in this relationship as forever-the-guilty-one, enjoy a few good moment with her, when she is willing (prisoners in real locked prisons also have good moments, by the way), and otherwise suffer. You have the legal right to continue to sacrifice your person and your life so to please a woman who has been and continues to abuse you.

But you don’t have to.

anita