Dear Mia:

You are welcome. I understand being afraid to open up to people. A child, in its nature, is open to parents, so when a child is hurt by a parent, it hurts a whole lot. The child learns that people can and do inflict pain. As a consequence, the child shuts the door, closes all windows, so to prevent more hurt.

When the door is shut, the windows closed, protecting your heart, you prevent pain but you also suffer loneliness because we, as humans, need love in our lives. So what to do?

Open up- but carefully, slowly, cautiously. Find out: WHO is that person you are interacting with? Don’t open up right away. Learn who that person is, first. Is he or she empathetic and respectful? Or do they sometimes explode in anger? If they are empathetic and respectful but sometimes explode in anger, being abusive- do not open up to such a person. Abusive behavior is never acceptable, no matter how nice the person is in between instances of abuse.

So learn first, then, if the person is Safe, open up a bit. Pay attention to the response: did he or she listen to you attentively, shown some empathy; is the person treating you with respect? If the answer is yes, then open up a bit more. Also, ask him questions, is he/ she opening up to you?

It is a process, no rushing.

anita