Dear iwbi95:

It takes discipline to feel anxiety, distress and to NOT lash out. It takes skills to feel what we feel, calm ourselves down before speaking and acting, and make choices from clear thinking instead of automatic reaction to our distress.

This is discipline and skills for both of you to learn and help each other with. I hope your relationship, if it continues, does not become a finger pointing contest of who is abusive this time. But instead a mutual growing experience where both parties learn a better way of interacting, using what my therapist introduced to me as EAR: Empathy, Assertiveness and Respect with each other.

anita