Dear bricklady:

I am sorry you feel so badly and hope you feel better soon. I am thinking that maybe if you have a better understanding of what happened, you may feel better. And so, I re-read your original post and I read your last post.

You presented this relationship as perfect: “We never argue, we don’t fight, when there is a disagreement we immediately talk and work it out”, and “We both felt that our relationship was never the problem”-

You then came up with what you believe to be the evidence or indications what the problem is: he is unwell, in a mental loop, withdrawing from others, becoming depressed- he is unwell. Not the relationship, and it is nothing you did wrong in the relationship.

But the relationship was not perfect. These are the indications that the relationship was not perfect (if you would like, do answer the questions)?:

1. “(We) have celebrated Birthdays, holidays, the ups and downs as any family would”- what “downs”?

2. “when there is a disagreement we immediately talk and work it out”- what were the disagreements? Did the same disagreements come up again and again?

3. “He had gained weight (happy relationship weight) and his doctor adjusted some of his daily medication. He went into full panic mode”- it couldn’t have been a “HAPPY relationship weight” that he gained- he wouldn’t have gone to a panic mode if it was that. What scared him so and what is the nature of the illness and medication he is on?

4. “We had a long talk and came up with solutions to lessen his stress and mine as well”- you were stressed in the relationship, while it was ongoing. What stressed you? How did your stress show?

5. “he has told me that he was worried about me it was in the context of ‘Am I sure I can handle an instant family? …I had thought and prayed about it for several months and decided yes, I can handle it.”- you weren’t sure you could handle the difficulties of having an instant family, for several months you weren’t sure, this is why you prayed about it. During the time you weren’t sure, how were your doubts expressed, in the relationship?

anita