@Driftwood: Hey. Hope work goes smoothly for you. I’m falling asleep while typing, but I’m gonna try and tape my lids open for long enough to write back.

I’ll try to take care of schoolwork when I get up. I just feel so extremely discouraged for these last few months, since next school year will be something completely new, and fresh. It’s like wanting to skip finishing dinner, to jump to the dessert.

I definitely want to live an overall healthier life when I can move out. It’s one of the few things I watch on youtube, ironically; how people change their diet and lifestyle for the better. I think a lot of both my physical and mental health has to do with my diet of only fast food and candy, and my exercise, which consists of sitting up in bed every now and then. And yes, I meant valerian root tea. Meant to do some spellcheck, but I was sleepy, and sleepy Sammi forgets easily.

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I had something strange happen to me today. Something that only seems to happen every 8/9 years, actually. I met up with my father. He said he had stuff to give me, and I felt bad that I couldn’t make plans for tomorrow. So, I had to let him come over for a bit, just to break the ice.

You don’t understand how scared I was. I was trembling so bad that I nearly fell down our stairs, outside, infront of everyone. He told me he’d take a while, but didn’t give me an exact time, which gave me 4 hours to rock back and forth, in my room.

Thank the good lord, my mother arrived home as I went outside to find my father. Apparently, he walked here. And he brought my 9 year old half brother. I don’t remember him saying a word, but he gave me cute doodles of a couple of pokémon. My mother made small talk with him, as my father handed me two pairs of air jordans. He’s an oddly kind guy, and suddenly I feel my inner conflict rise. It only gets worse when he hugs me, and tells me not to be a stranger.

I feel lied to. Like I’ve been hiding myself from nothing, this entire time. A part of me doesn’t want any of this to be true, but another part of me says it isn’t to late to keep in touch with him regularly. Also, I really wish everyone would stop trying to buy my affection.

(Irrelevant, but I also had some spare money yesterday, and so I walked to the mall by myself. Despite my heart being at a steady 90bpm, I found me a pink, iridescent backpack for next year. I think it was a responsible purchase, if you ask me.)