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Why am i angry at my boyfriend?

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  • February 26, 2017 at 8:23 pm #129617
    Kelly
    Participant

    Ps: sorry for the mistakes, I wrote this quite fast and I was angry xx

    February 27, 2017 at 10:27 am #130649
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear littleme29:

    His use of alcohol (getting “absolutely hammered with whatever he can”) and his use of cocaine are very troubling.

    You wrote that he supports you financially and you don’t want to bring up topics of distress, for you, in fear of appearing ungrateful. But the way things are going, you will not be in this relationship much longer, so better bring up these topics.

    Bring up topics in as calm a way as is possible for you. He prefers to go out with friends instead of staying home with you, probably, I am guessing, because he likes to get hammered and use cocaine with his friends, being out and about. His work schedule and social life is congruent with using cocaine, isn’t it, to keep his activity level up with less sleep…?

    Arguing and fighting with him will not work, as he is already distressed and his alcohol and cocaine use are and will be causing him more distress. But you have very valid concerns and you do need to assert yourself with him, as peacefully as you can, but strongly and effectively.

    Your anxiety is worsened in this relationship, as it is. And so, it is not good for you. As to your question: “Why am I angry at my boyfriend?”-

    Because he is no longer the boyfriend you fell in love with, the one who preferred your company, the one (I am guessing) who didn’t get hammered and got high on cocaine the way he is now, behaviors that take him farther and farther away from you in every way.

    Am I correct?

    anita

    February 28, 2017 at 8:18 am #131677
    Kelly
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Thank you for your response, you have understood our situation perfectly. I think you’re right, we are growing farther apart, and we have talked about it. He said he would slow down but it’s not the first time he’s said it. And nothing has changed.

    I’ve tried to be more understanding of his situation, as you said, it is stressefull and linked to his consumption of substances. But I really do care for him and I know if We continue like this we won’t be together much longer, but I don’t imagine myself without him, even though it might be better for us .. I just don’t know what to do to help.

    February 28, 2017 at 8:54 am #131685
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear littleme29:

    You are welcome. Your last sentence: “I just don’t know what to do to help.”- the problem with your quest to help him (and in so doing, to help yourself) is that he already found his “help”. He found his help in alcohol and cocaine and going out with friends to consume these two things.

    He is already “helping” himself, so there is no space for you helping him.

    It is only if and when he no longer help himself the ways he is, that there will be a space for any possible help from you (or from anyone else).

    I think this is a powerless situation for you. It is like being in a sinking ship and watching it sink.

    anita

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