Dear saskia:

You read to me like a very reasonable and considerate person and partner to your now ex partner. I can relate to your sentiment about having children: “I do have some days where I think it would be nice and I was even starting to think…maybe…but that is not enough”- definitely, not even close to being enough. I don’t have children and never regretted that position.

Other issues in the relationships don’t matter when THIS one is an issue. If she wants a child, through adoption or otherwise, and you don’t, there is nowhere to go from here.

You are experiencing the loss of the woman you loved, the object-of-your emotional attachment. Part of you, still attached, does not want to let go. It is the emotional part trying to get the head/ the thinking brain to … do its bidding, so to speak. The heart wants her, so it stimulates you to think of why you should (even though, clearly, reasonably, you shouldn’t).

anita