Dear David:

You started this thread more than 11 months ago, almost a year. I re-read your posts. I don’t know if you are interested in my updated understanding, suggestions, input. You wrote that you “never felt that confused” and this is following a year almost of No Contact. I am following with my input just in case it may help with your confusion. It is here to follow for your reading and consideration, or not. Your choice.

You wrote these things in your various posts here:
* “she has.. SOMETHING which you notice only after you get to know her better”
* “I cannot even evoke in myself feelings of anger towards my ex for making me feel so low. I tend to think about her as a victim of her own difficult childhood. Just like me, she suffers from depression… and she totally mirrors that darkest part of my nature.”
* “there was an amazing chemistry, which I don’t feel for my current girlfriend. It was something electrical and it still gives me shivers when I think about it. I miss this ‘kick’ which made me feel like walking in the air.”

Reads to me that the draw, the chemistry has a lot to do with the fact that she indeed showered you with attention and then dumped you, and then repeated, like I suggested in my first reply to you. It does feel “electrical”, intoxicating, “like walking in air” to have love lost COME BACK. You don’t have this with your current girlfriend. She loved you from the start, no loss-and-return. It feel nice, but not intense.

But there is something more. You see yourself in her (“she totally mirrors that darkest part of my nature”- you see yourself in your ex, but not in your current girlfriend. The distress you see in your ex is the distress that exists in you. And so, I think, you see your salvation in her.

Maybe you think she, the ex, understands you, as you understand her, and you can save each other. On the other hand, your current girlfriend, as wonderful and loving as she is, you believe, doesn’t understand you because she doesn’t share that “darkest part of (your) nature.”

Let me know, if you will, what you think, and if you’d like, we can communicate further about this.

anita