My husband and i have been married for four years now and have been together for 5. When i met my husband he was the man of my dreams so attentive and supportive always with a smile or a touch to let me know how important i was to him. About 6 months into our relationship he decided to include me in a lifestyle i had no idea he was part of. This lifestyle included doing drugs (which at anytime I could have walked away from but I chose not to) and cross dressing. For the next year and half i dealt with his and my growing addiction to the drug we were using, my leaving and coming back because he convinced me that he was done and that i was the only reason he was alive and how much me loved me only to go right back to where we had left off. During that drug induced haze we got married. 6 months after the wedding he got arrested for possession and he told me not to worry that he was going to take full blame. Unfortunately that did not occur. We both ended up doing jail time him 10 months, me 354 days. I has been two years since all of this has happened. I was supportive of him in jail and he was supportive of me. Since them i have been noticing a build up of hate towards myself that i direct towards him i am angry with myself because i walked away but kept coming back and i am angry because i allowed myself to be a victim, i am angry because i fell for his deception and lies. My trust in him is destroyed. I blame him and myself for loosing everyting i had ever worked for. My house my job. I am angry with him because if it wasn’t for him i would still have those things. If I was his reason for living then why did he introduce me to that part of his life. Why did I allow it. (that is something i am working on) I don’t know if this is something we can recover from it just seems to be getting worse and worse. I mentioned counseling but his comment is i am not going to let you turn the counselor against me with your lies about me. Now he has changed his mind and said we should do counseling because there is something obviously wrong with me. Is he right is this all about me? He is very good at twisting the truth and turning things around so that it makes it seem like you are the crazy one. At this point i am ready to walk away and never look back. I just don’t know what to do anymore. HELP!