Dear Mapnerd:

I can’t imagine competent therapy not being helpful to you. What fuels the obsession is, I strongly believe, your childhood experiences on which we touched on this thread.

It feels like your obsession and distress is about the guy, but not really. I do wish you attend competent therapy. The days when you feel okay are proof that it is possible for you to feel okay.

If you give in to the obsessing and contact him, you will be disappointed with yourself and end up with more days being distressed and fewer  okay-days. Why make things worse?

Appreciate the okay days. The fact that at times you strongly feel that he can help you, it means that you strongly need help, only  he can’t help you. He can’t help you because, like I wrote above, your distress is not about him. It predates him by many years.

anita