Dear Matt:

Your question, best I can understand, is: Is there a way to achieve an ALIVE subjective experience of life without experiencing good feelings (pleasure, desire, drive, inspiration, love)?

If this is your question, then my answer is NO.

Thing is, biologically, we human animals are driven above all else to survive, whatever it takes, not to be happy. As long as fear drives us, we are motivated to protect ourselves, to withdraw, contract.

It is impossible to always feel good, as you well know. It is possible to feel more and more of these good feelings as you heal from anxiety (ongoing fear when there is no imminent or present danger).

anita