Well, my mother would surely deny this and be upset about this. Because it wasn’t always like this… we would go on family vacations etc. But any way, I perceived being alone a lot.

I think I used to be a lot like my mom in terms of lying, particularly lying about why i wasn’t “present” (in school literally) and why I wouldn’t be able to perform (school and other tasks).

My difficulty is with the last guy particularly that he had this image of me of coming from a good family, and being similar to him. His parents were conservative and his mother was a helicopter mom. He assumed my life was the same. He’s a ‘high performer’ now, very athletic, working hard, prestige etc. I felt ashamed opening up about my ‘failures’ and being brought up more neglected even though my family are ‘high performers’ too. I always got more along with kids who had an addict as a parent and don’t care so much about prestige but real relationships. I was worried if I told him about my life he would reject me. At one point though he felt I was too needy I think. He said he just wants to get to know me and I wanted more commitment. You see, I either show too little and when I show a little more of my authentic feelings it’s too much -.-