Dear smutsik:

More of my input: some people believe that because they think something, they have to share it, especially with an intimate other. As if once you are in a relationship, your thoughts are now Community Property. As if an intimate partner has the ethical responsibility and duty to share, or … confess all of one’s thoughts. I don’t believe so. I strongly believe that your thoughts are your private business.

You can keep your thoughts of lack of attraction to her body to yourself. You are not betraying her by not sharing these with her.

The thoughts I personally choose to share with another are truth, I don’t lie. I don’t mislead (with half truths and cognitive manipulations), but I don’t share every thought I have. In a loving relationship it is very important to not share every thought (and every feeling that goes with the thought). Discernment is loving.

In other words, I think that it is perfectly fine for you to continue this relationship and never tell her about your lack of attraction thoughts and feelings (I read that you do have sex with her frequently, you called it “great”, hence…)

On the other hand, it is your right to end the relationship if you want to have a different looking partner. It is fine for you to value physical attraction enough to do so. This is your life, your choice.

Is this helpful?

anita