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Excepting Yourself

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  • #143147
    Hannah
    Participant

    It is so easy to convince yourself that you are worthless. That there is nothing important or special about you. I have struggled with that for a long time, only actually dealing with it recently. I am sure some one will find this relatable, even if it seems extreme. But, for me, everything just built up. Depression is a heavy weight on your chest and you fight to remove it everyday. It’s hard to stay focused on anything in real life. Your biggest enemy is yourself. You have to fight your mind everyday, or eventually you just give up. And I tried to give up. In the moment, when you are trying to hurt yourself, you have reasons that maybe no one else understands. It sounds awful, but I already felt broken inside and I didn’t want myself anymore. Once you have stood with the pain long enough, physical pain doesn’t really seem to match it. And I remember feeling so desperate and so alone. I felt that way because I couldn’t accept who I was and everything unique and special about me. I was so worried about everyone else all of the time, I forgot to focus on myself. The saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” I was empty, constantly trying to fill up others. I went through many trials because of that one moment. Not only did I have bad experiences in a hospital, but I also convinced myself that I was weak and not capable of dealing with my emotions. It took a lot to get to this point. It took a lot of fighting, a lot of talking through my feelings, and a lot of time accepting myself. You cannot take yourself away from the world. There is a reason you are here. You are not worthless; all your flaws come together to make something beautiful: you. Be who you are and don’t be afraid of it. It will be a journey but it’s okay. You may have cuts and marks, on the inside or the outside, but you are art. You are worthy.

    #143209
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Hannah Lord:

    Thank you for sharing your experience and feelings.

    You wrote: “And I remember feeling so desperate and so alone. I felt that way because I couldn’t accept who I was and everything unique and special about me.”-

    A child, and an adult child, rejects himself/ herself only after being rejected by a parent, or a parent figure. Clearly you were rejected before you rejected yourself.

    You mentioned physical pain in comparison to emotional pain, and a stay in a hospital- would you like to elaborate?

    anita

     

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