hi everyone, I usually don’t seek support and advice outside of my family but I’m going through a really tough time. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of almost a year and a half and I am in so much pain and feeling the most guilt and regret I’ve ever felt in my life.

He suffers from depression and recently I decided I don’t think I can be the one to be so strong all the time. It takes a huge toll on me to see him go through it. He goes through these episodes and when we talk, it’s like I’m talking to a stranger. He says extreme things to me about dying, etc. Sometimes he goes numb and can’t even talk. I feel like I’ve given all of the support I can give and I just realized I don’t think I want to be the one that has to be so strong all the time in my relationship. Can I be the one to be that strong all the time? Of course I can. But I cannot see myself being the one to do it for the rest of my life. It’s very draining to hear someone you love talk about themselves the way he does.

Since a few months into our relationship we have been on an emotional roller coaster. I almost broke up with him a few times in the past but never brought myself to actually do it bc I always found an excuse to stay. Sometimes he can get manipulative, and make me feel guilty for voicing that I am unhappy and I think that’s what makes me stay and makes me rethink how I feel. Like, he does this, this, and this, for me I think I love him maybe I should stick this out. But it’s gotten to the point where I just think I can’t do it anymore, so I ended it.

He would tell me that if we ever broke up he wouldn’t go to work anymore, or he’s gonna go play on traffic, or not know what to do with himself. He told me he wants to call the suicide hotline but never does. He’s told me multiple times that he wouldn’t mind dying. I don’t think he is manipulative intently, but it still doesn’t justify anything.  When I broke it off with him I told him I hope he finds happiness because he deserve it and his response to me was “yeah 6 feet under the ground”. This is not healthy.

I don’t know why I am feeling regretful now because I know in my heart things were unhealthy, and this isn’t what happens in a relationship where people are in love with one another. I never in a million years wanted to hurt him. Despite everything he is an amazing person. I just need someone that is stronger, and doesn’t rely on me as much, because I take care of everyone around me I need someone to take care of me once and a while. And of course he did that, but I was dominantly the strong one trying to put his pices together all the time. I just ultimately want to be happy.

Ive read on here that it’s normal

to feel guilt and regret after breaking up with your significant other but I just really need someone to talk to.

Tbank you in advance everyone.