Dear Angelica:

You wrote: “The problem is that I’m scared. I feel like I’m making my mind look at his flaws so I have a reason to not like him and give up.”-

I think you pointed out the problem: you are scared. If you are like me, and like a whole lot of people, you are afraid to hope and love him and then suffer pain, the pain of not being loved in return, of being rejected. Is that what you fear?

If so, looking at your childhood, you probably already suffered that kind of pain, somehow, and you are afraid to feel it again. Is that the case?

anita

Dear Angelica:

You asked: “Is it wrong to be scared of rejection?”- I can answer it: it is not wrong to be scared of rejection. It is not wrong to be scared of anything we are scared of because we don’t choose to be scared. Fear is an automatic reaction that all animals experience. It is natural to feel fear when we face danger or see the potential of danger.

You wrote: “I just know that are parts of me that people won’t like, parts i don’t like, that make me feel like he will reject them when he finds out what my life has been like and all my secrets.”-

There are parts of him that some people didn’t like and will not like; parts of him that some people will reject him for. He has secrets too.

You wrote: “I know i need to trust someone in that way, but i feel like I can’t. Is there anything I could do to help me feel more relaxed about that..?”-

Trust someone only after you get to know him/ her, not before. Take your time. To be more relaxed about not being rejected or betrayed, get to know the person through many conversations. Observe the person, how does he respond to you when you share a bit of your feelings? Does he respond empathetically? If so, share a bit more and observe.

A person cannot know in advance whether another person is trustworthy. It requires a period of learning who the person is. It takes trusting your ability to learn and evaluate a person accurately enough.

anita