I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 months. I’ve tried to exercise a lot of patience throughout our relationship in regard to emotional intimacy. He has openly admitted he feels very uncomfortable talking about “deep conversations,” like: past relationships, talking about the future, and past mishaps (friendships unraveling, etc…). I told him it’s okay to feel uncomfortable, but talking about these topics at least a little may help us feel closer and strengthen our bond as a couple. He agreed, but when I bring up these subjects he doesn’t engage in them. He gives short responses and does not ask me any questions.

In our 10 months of dating he has only said he loved me once completely out of the blue. He does say he loves me, but it’s only when we are hugging good-bye. I told him it made me feel great when he said he loved me on a random occasion and I would absolutely welcome it more often. He made the effort to say it randomly the day after that conversation… and then never again.

We text on days when we don’t see each other and he does not flirt in text. He doesn’t type out messages saying he loves me and he rarely calls me names like “hun” or “babe.” Last night I worked up the courage to text him, “Enjoy the rest of your night! I wish I was lying in your bed next to you right now (insert ‘kissing emoji face’).” All he said back was, “You too. Enjoy the night sleeping with the cooler weather.” I texted him back that I was attempting to flirt with him and I felt shut down because it wasn’t acknowledged or reciprocated. He then turned on the charm saying “I’m sorry babe, I’m really bad at text message flirting, I love you lots…” then he proceeded to say some pretty flirty things.

This is what frustrates me. I know he’s capable of saying I love you out of the blue. He is capable of engaging in conversation even if it is a little out of his comfort zone. He’s also capable of calling me babe and flirting with me.

I feel he isn’t making a conscious effort to continue to do any of these things and I don’t understand why. I have asked him and he always says: “I’m just not the type… I’m just feel uncomfortable…”

Maybe he doesn’t have as strong of feelings as I do for him? Or maybe he legitimately wants a relationship where the emotional interaction is kept at an absolute minimum?

I’m starting to get tired of communicating my feelings, seeing him make a single attempt at effort, and then it stopping all-together and regressing back to our emotionless interactions. He would be content eating dinner and having short conversations about light topics like movies that are coming out, a concert he’s interested in seeing, or a meeting he had at work.

I don’t know. I’m lost with this one.