Anita thanks you so much for the reply,  what do you mean practical business ? is it something like become an entrepreneur.

To reply your question that why i call my self a narcissist, although i am have low self esteem but recently i am aware that i always think myself as a secret genius and nobody can understand me. So i always keep myself isolate from the other people.

I am afraid of quit the job, then i got nothing to do as the society said a unproductive man is useless and the employer is my mum friends, i feel as shame for myself. I just can’t get away this narrow minded thinking out of my head.