Dear Daniel Wong Ching Kiong:

You wrote earlier: “i am wonder, if god punish us by giving us the ability to imagine”-

Let me know if I understand correctly, and correct me where I misunderstood:

Your passion is in art (“I have so much to say through my art”). You imagine successfully saying all you have to say through your art; successfully meaning, people see your art, admire it, value it and pay for it, and so you are able to make a living as an artist, maybe make a lot of money as an artist.

But the gap between what you imagine and the reality of your every day life is big, and often overwhelming. In the dreams you are a paid artist, valued, admired, considered to be a genius (“I always think myself as a secret genius”). In reality, at that one day job, you worked in a dusty, smelly environment lifting heavy packages.

The gap between the desire, the imagined life and the actual life is huge. That leaves you paralyzed, like a person looking at a very tall mountain, a mountain that seems impossible to climb.

Let me know if my understanding is correct and I will proceed.

anita

Dear Daniel Wong Ching Kiong:

You are welcome. Since I was correct, I will proceed.

Part 1 of this post, Reality as I understand it to be:

Many people, especially children, teenagers and young adults dream of being very successful in life in terms of money and prestige. Many dream of being rich-and-famous. As a matter of fact, in early childhood, such dreams seem very achievable, very possible. The child’s thinking is quite magical: all seems possible and the future seems promising.

When a child suffers from lack of adequate attention from parents, the child craves attention and often imagines that in the future, maybe the whole world will pay attention to him, applauding, recognizing his value. Maybe the greater the lack in childhood, the bigger the dreams of plenty in the future.

Of the millions of children and young adults who dream big, only a few achieve the life of the rich-and-famous.

There are many artists, such as musicians, who have great talent and yet are not rich and famous, not even close. On the other hand, there are artists who are less talented who are rich and famous. The way to this kind of success is not only about talent, but about perseverance, effective functioning (doing what works, learning what works better and proceeding), and luck (being in the right place at the right time.

Many who have achieved wealth and fame are miserable, or have been miserable enough to end their lives (examples are plenty).

Part 2, my suggestions to you:

If you agree with part 1, hold those in mind, accept them. If you are not sure, research yourself, find out- is what I wrote above real?

As you understand reality to be what it is, you will be less anxious, less paralyzed, more energetic and more effective. It is for your benefit to understand and accept reality.

And so, the statistical chances are that you will not be rich and famous. Possible, but not statistically likely. When you express yourself in art, do express yourself, because authentic expression may very well be the only benefit you get from doing your art.

As long as you have in mind that your art needs to bring you wealth and fame (or any amount of money), that will “rain on your parade” of authentic expression. And without authentic expression, what is there to art?

Be practical about your life: you have to make money, get a job. Not one that will endanger your health (the one you quit), but one that is reasonable. Instead of holding it in contrast of your big dream, focus on what it is, seeing the challenges in it, the opportunity for you to learn and develop. Notice this: no opportunity is too small to use for learning and developing. Use every one.

As long as you overlook the small opportunity because they pale in comparison to your dreams, you will not learn, you will not develop and you will be less likely to achieve the big dream. In fact, you distance from good-enough living (making just enough money to live comfortably) will be greater.

I hope you post again with your thoughts/ feelings. I will reply if you do.

anita

Dear Daniel Wong Ching Kiong:

Thank you for your kind words.

Following your most recent post, more of reality:

As a child, what the adults in your home think of you is everything. A child doesn’t know who or what he is- it needs parents/ adults to tell him who he is. And when they tell him, the child believes it.

What did they tell you: “stupid… lazy kids, a pig, quite and sometimes just too noisy and annoying”, less than your other cousins who were really famous in the basketball team.

So naturally, you believed what they said, you took it in as the truth. But it wasn’t true, what they said. How do I know? Because you were distressed believing those things. If you truly were those things, you wouldn’t be distressed.

And so, you tried to prove them wrong, to be more than a stupid, lazy, annoying child, to be special, and to be famous like the cousins, more than the cousins… famous so that they will change their minds.

But all along the adults who told you those things didn’t see you for who are. They didn’t SEE you. So you want to show yourself to them, to the world, to “dare to expose myself”

You have the opportunity to do just that, to show who you truly are, every day. Your thoughts, your feelings, this is who you are. Live authentically, be true to yourself: in doing so, you expose who you truly are.

But be prepared: the people who did not see you so far, the adults you grew up with, they are not likely to see you now, or in the future. They can’t or won’t. They are too busy with their own thoughts, own concerns to notice the beautiful child you were. They are not likely to see you now.

But someone will see you. I already have- through your writings here. You have a lot of promise, the promise you were born with. Fame and fortune- I don’t know, low statistical probability, but the passion within you, the desire, the imagination, the motivation… the rebellion against what is not true- I admire those things that you are.

Post anytime, with your thoughts, your feelings… use any practical opportunity in your daily life to live authentically, there is no substitute to authentic living (not even fame and fortune)…

anita

Dear Daniel Wong Ching Kiong:

I understand the insecurity being still there and it is likely to be there for a long time. But as you wrote, you are more able to handle fear/ insecurity because your thinking is more congruent now with reality. Keep reality in mind, keep observing it, studying it, see things and people as they are, and your functioning in life will benefit greatly.

You are welcome and do post anytime. I will reply for as long as you’d like me to.

anita