Thank you all for your kind words and all the advice. I really appreciate all of your input, that you are taking time to reply. It is amazing that people kan be so kind to someone they dont even know.

As I read your advice I have automatic negative thoughts coming up telling me that it is no use trying or listening to all your advice, you are to messed up etc. Even though they feel true at the moment I have atleast aknowledged them att labeled the for what they are. I cant really stop them from ahowing up but I will atleast not base my actions on these thoughts.