Tannhauser,

As PearceHawk mentioned you are holding on to your anger and disappointments with your history of past experiences of not getting any help. I am going through a similar phase where I am experiencing physical pain with my upper back and neck. Recently I visited an osteopathic physician who gave me good treatment so I could relax myself a bit. Then I was able to see that those pains were mostly caused by me as I was doing too much static work without taking breaks away from these damn computers. Too much sitting breaks your body. But you know the effects of unknown poison only after taking it. I was blaming my employer for causing this but it was my choice to let my back and neck stiffen. Now I am going trough a phase of forgiving myself being so stupid and learning new more ergonomic ways how to manage my job. A practical answer is that I need to change my position a lot. And most of all, stop blaming others for the choices (concious or non-concious) in my life. Done is done, leave the past, learned a lot, thanks and bye.

So, let go of the anger you are holding, it will harm you only. Throw away that huge mental rock that you are holding.

When you are cleansing your spirit it is easier when you do some physical actions along with it. Take a shower and think that water is rinsing away that specific grudge and worry.

Or go for a walk and when you are in a calmer state of mind you might consider writing a letter to all parties who you are holding grudge against. Feel free to use any foul words you can imagine. You do not need to send the letter, instead you just might want to rip it to pieces and burn the pieces.

Or if you like you can make a real-sized straw doll with your arch-enemy’s face glued on it and smack it with a baseball bat…your choice. Or scream out your despair. Just do anything that will get the rage out of your system. Suppressed negative feelings are stored within our body and if they are not “returned to the sender” they will pop up when a similar situation happens. Then somebody else have to see your rage and that is not good for you or that other innocent person.

So if you are not sure what to do then seek another live person who could help you.

And there are a lot of self-help books available on self-transformation, personal growth, acceptance and forgiving.

All the best!

-Fingerist