Hi Smile,

I like your user name. I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s very difficult emotionally and takes a toll to be on again off again several times. I have been there. I think I went back (embarrassed to say) to me ex’s about 4-5 times. I think like you, they took me bback, but each time, I felt more insecure, because they were more distant, the emotional bond wasn’t there anymore, and I finally realized, not only was I making myself miserable, but I did not want a man miserable with me, or feeling sorry for me so he was always taking me back.

I would just have a mature, honest conversation with her. There is no need to get anyone else involved, because it will humiliate her and make her defensive. If she begs you to stay with her, she has co-dependent issues, that she needs to work on. She has to have a foundation of loving herself first, before she is really ready to be a strong independent woman, who is happy with her life, to really be able to love another man.

Right now, she is reaching and clinging to something that is not there, and maybe she thinks of you as her world and her life, and she would be lost and broken without you. When you meet a woman, you want to make sure she has hobbies, a support system, men and women friends, outside interests, a love for herself such as self esteem and not depending solely on a man to make her happy. Like a house, she needs a foundation, Right now, she has none, it’s like someone leaning on a chair and when it tips over, their whole world comes crashing down because they have no foundation to keep them from falling.

It’s best to make a clean break with this woman. You have said you don’t love her, so why prolong your misery, and she is only going to get more hurt hanging on to hurt and idealizing the relationship. Just tell her firmly, that you feel things that have not been working out for quite some time, and it time to end things permanently, and wish her happiness. That’s it. After that, don’t call her, text her, return her calls. Get rid of any momentous or reminders of her, don’t go on her profile page on social media, don’t talk to her friends, just a clean break, don’t take her back, as you are only prolonging hurt and misery. Good luck.