Dear Danielle:

He dated you at the time for four months. He was 19. You told him off that night: “were done get out don’t talk to me.” He goes to a party and has a sexual encounter with a woman. Then he doesn’t tell you about it for a year although you asked him, many times. At 20, he tells you.

My problem with him not telling you about that night for a year is that that year should have ben extended to a lifetime. He should never have told you. Really, you had no rights on him that night. He committed no crime, not legally and not otherwise.

You wrote again and again in your threads things similar to what you wrote above: “He is seriously a changed man”-

As if, once again, as if he committed a huge, enormous, massive, colossal, gigantic, gargantuan crime, when in reality he did nothing wrong.

Again: he did nothing wrong to you, not in having had the sexual encounter of that night and not in denying that he did for a whole year. And again: he was unwise to tell you about it at all.

You wrote: “He doesn’t even go out, doesn’t drink, dropped his fraternity, is an open book, gives me all his passwords, lets me ask the same questions 19323948 times without complaining…” My goodness, the poor guy.

Danielle, if he posted here with this story, I would recommend to him to end the relationship with you. He doesn’t deserve to suffer from your OCD. 19,232,948 (I know, not literally) is too many times to be interrogated about a crime he did not commit.

I know OCD. I know the distress. But listen, if you will, Danielle: if you don’t attend therapy, have mercy on the guy and let him go. Don’t continue to inflict your OCD on him. Stop punishing him for… a crime he did not commit.

anita