Dear Free Moon:

I am glad you are back to your thread. I hope you find some benefit to you in that book.

You wrote: “I feel immediately bad for what I feel towards her”- try to accept how you feel without judging what you feel as bad, or good. Feelings are automatic mental events, we don’t choose them, so they are neither good nor bad. (Not feeling bad about how you feel will… in itself make you feel better).

You wrote: “I still feel threatened, even though she hasn’t really done anything suspicious to me or my boyfriend – at least, not that I know of.”- clearly, you believe that she is a threat or may become a threat at any time. When you state that “at east, not that (you) know of” that as far as you know she is not a threat, it means that she may presently be a threat, it is just that you don’t have evidence to support this suspicion. Or that she may become a threat, anytime.

I am wondering, as I type this, if it will be a good idea for your boyfriend to explain to his friend the reasons and then cut contact with her. It will definitely bring you a great relief. It may not be a good idea IF after such cutting contact, you will be worried about another friend of his. That will lead to his gradual isolation. I don’t know. Problem is you don’t know either if she is a real threat or not. Maybe she is.

Maybe you can talk with him about the possibility of him cutting all contact with her. You can tell him that you really don’t want to control his life, to harm him in any way, but that you want to explore the possibility with him. You can tell him you will not be pressuring him to do so, that you are not expecting him to cut contact with her. What you want is to hear his thoughts and feelings about the idea. A back and forth conversation, an honest exchange on the matter can help a lot. At the least, you will learn more about his motivations, and the nature of the perceived threat.

anita