Hey Cee,

This is coming from a heartbroken man who is also pulling away – not from a relationship per se, but from relationships as a whole. I hope this gives you a different perspective over what is happening or happened. And just to fill you in, I’ve just come out of a very intense and problematic relationship.

I don’t think there’s a rule of thumb for every man out there, but I related myself to his situation because it’s very alike to my own, and I also like to think about individuals and try the best not to generalize situations. So, as my Yoga instructor says during a guided meditation “remain lucid and awaken to hear everything I say but filter and assimilate only what you want (or you agree with)”.

From what I read and was able to understand, he is going in and out of the emotional limbo, where he is at the same time unavailable but hopeful, yet maybe he has just realized with you the responsibility of bonding with someone who wants a serious relationship, and how much his breakup has affected him. In other words, he lost the will and the way, but haven’t lost the faith – it’s just lost in him.

It’s healthy though challenging looking inward in situations like these. I totally relate. I also think that’s admirable that he was able to be honest with you and say what was really going on, and more than that, allowing you to be free. I believe it’s an opportunity to breathe deeply and think to yourself that it is also an opportunity to feel grateful for something that’s uncomfortable to you. Adversity can also be appreciated when we disconnect from our expectations and wants.

As for him, I will say what I’ve been telling myself, which is “this might take some time, man, don’t sweat”. I know it’s a process that might take a (longer) while and that also I’ve gotta be self-conscious about it, otherwise there will be no gains from it – only frustration, expectation, comparison and attachment. Even though I’ve tried  opening myself to new relationships they never felt quite right in any way. What I’ve come to realize and is very valuable is that I first must fully heal to be able to give all the love I have inside myself to someone and start brand new, different, and better. I figure that you must also feel frustrated by the outcome of it all. Take your time to recover. Be honest with yourself i.e. if you feel like you should wait, do it! If you feel you should let go, let it go! Whatever it is you choose to do, do it by heart, do it willing, conscious and happily. No expectations. Be mindful that the outcome involves someone else so you should focus on what YOU can do exclusively, which is following your heart and being honest with yourself so you can put your head on the pillow at night and not think “what if?”. Keep yourself open to new opportunities (if you feel like it). By the way, he’s been working so much so that he can take his mind off that subject, it’s a distraction, but also necessary and maybe he’ll get something good out of it, like a promotion, a raise, recognition etc. He really really likes you, though, because he thought about your well-being when deciding to let you be free and not staling you because of his indecision.

I hope this finds you well and that it helps in some way. You can do it! Or as I like to say – You’ve already did it, you just need to understand it. 🙂