Hi Anita,

I have been doing my best to take your advice, to fill the hole with “reality to fit the subjective experience”, but I suppose I’m at a loss in how to do this. I’ve tried dating again, but I quickly become discouraged that it doesn’t feel the same/as good as it did with him, and fearful. He promised me so many times he wouldn’t break my heart, that he would always be there for me, that I was the one for him, that I am terrified of this happening with anyone else. He broke all those promises to me. One day, I broke down and sent him the pictures of the texts he sent me, promising never to hurt me, and he said cruelly to get over it, that it had been 2 months already. He said we shouldn’t be friends anymore, that I was only trying to prove to myself that I could keep a man interested, even as a friend, but that he was not. I know I set myself up for that, but it still hurt nonetheless.

I feel so stuck, so damaged, and hopeless about my future romantic prospects. Anyone I meet, I cannot imagine them being as wonderful as he was at the beginning. I can’t seem to find that connection with anyone else, they’re appearance, communication style, interest in me, etc. all seems to be less desirable than his. I see now that it was not real love on his end, but it was real for me. I have never felt that way about anyone before, so grateful to finally have that emptiness inside of me filled, that I was certain he was the one for me. It’s now been almost 2.5 months later and still I wake up every morning missing how things were. Feeling exhausted at the prospect of starting over with someone that won’t understand and care for me the way he did.

I’ve regressed back to wondering what would have happened if I had behaved myself better that last visit to his city when we were together, what if I had paid more attention to my appearance? I was lulled into a false sense of security with him so early on, but in reality, it was the early stages of dating and I should have presented myself better. Anyway, I have accepted that it is over, but any time I have alone, I am reminded of the emptiness I have always felt, only now it is even larger without his affection.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 5 months ago by laelithia.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 5 months ago by laelithia.