Dear Anita,

I think the way you reworded hardship makes more sense and how internal conflict influences change under the right circumstances. I am not sure, but I do believe she is insecure in some way, shape, or form. Although she is a very attractive girl with a good figure, she believes she has flaws and calls herself fat despite being very fit.  It’s hard to know if she is insecure or not, because she is able to deflect most things and pretend she doesn’t care,, but I also think this could be her insecurity defending her ego. I do believe she has a strong ego because she cares about how she looks in pictures and what not. I also believe that she may be insecure and instead of dealing with internal conflict, she finds a way to brush it off or ignore it. The reason I say this is because I notice how she can become annoyed and very angry and never cease to solve the problem.

I understand that people have different ways of solving their problems, But by simply ignoring and letting something anger you you never actually get past it, because you hold it in.  I’m curious as to whether she just has a lot of insecurity built up inside which makes her act out in this way towards me and other things. You’ll notice that people react to such little things because they have more internal conflict. While she is a great girl and seems very happy, I think there is something deep down that’s bugging her. It could be fear of rejection or not being good enough that drives her, but also drives her crazy at times. I don’t know for sure if any of this is true but for how much thinking I’ve done I realize this is bigger than myself. In a relationship you can only cause so much conflict before it becomes somebody else’s problem. What I mean by that is you have to meet someone halfway.

I would agree that a relationship or marriage should not be based off of optimism if the conditions are present as such. While I do enjoy this relationship, I will just have to stay present and play this by ear. I will try to minimize my anxiety and remind myself that there are plenty of other options out there that would be more than happy to be with me.