Dear Needthelight:

I think I understand the magnitude of your heartbreak over finding out that your husband at the time had a 6.5 year relationship while being married to you. Such long term betrayal is difficult to … digest, isn’t it? And then, I understand your joy at being loved in Australia by a different man, and appreciating that love very much. I also understand your guilty feelings about the idea of ending the relationship with your current boyfriend, his feelings being hurt, his daughters being involved.

In all this, there is one person who deserves the highest priority of consideration from you, and that person is your son. Out of all the people you are concerned about, your son is the only person that you brought into this life, into this world. He is the only person you are legally and ethically responsible for.

Because his relationship with his father is good, and the two of them are close, and because his father would have spent much more time with your son if you didn’t live with another man, I think it is the right choice for you to have your boyfriend and daughters move out/ separate, so to make your son’s life better. What a positive, healthy experience it would be for him to see that his wish is coming true, that his feelings and his needs are so important to you that you purposefully made the changes to accommodate those, that you care so much for him!

The decision is not easy because some people will be hurt. But your primary responsibility, far and above all responsibilities, are to your son.

anita