Anita, I understand being afraid to respond to people assertively! I think you do a great job of it though, at least on here. Agreed being patient with ourselves is key.

Eliana, thanks for the kind words! Sometimes I feel like I’m making progress and other times (like today) I’m stuck in the anxiety. Although even today I guess I feel a little more in control of it than I did a couple years ago. Sometimes being excited for things just feeds my anxiety. Like unless he and I have definite plans, it’s hard for me to look forward to anything with him because I don’t know if it will actually happen so that’s where my mind goes.

Definitely am struggling today though! I just feel anxious and tearful and I’m looking for proof that he doesn’t like me, and to be honest it’s not that hard to find. But I’m so confused because when we’re together he really does seem to be into me and I LIKE HIM so it’s hard to understand how it couldn’t be reciprocated when we have such a good time together and laugh a lot and are into a lot of the same things. Situation: yesterday I went to an amusement park with a couple friends. Texted him pictures and he sent back something nice. Little bit later I said “we need to make plans to come back together and ride all these coasters”…nothing in response. Texted him back something silly a couple hours later and he immediately responded. Which answered my question of whether he was too busy to respond to my suggestion of coming back together…clearly not. And then nothing else for the rest of the day and still haven’t heard from him today and it’s almost noon. I don’t know if I’m unreasonable or what. I know when relationships develop into something more serious than not, I have a tendency to start expecting things…certain reactions, a certain amount of contact and communication. Even if I haven’t communicated these expectations to him, I still have them. Which I realize isn’t fair because how is he to know what I’m expecting or wanting out of a relationship if I don’t tell him? But I don’t really think there’s an effective way to tell him I’d like to hear from him everyday and it’s important that he initiate the contact sometimes. Seems like that should just be a natural happening, and if I have to ask for it then something’s wrong. All my thoughts and his seeming withdrawal just make me mad and want to shut down and shut him out and not reach out but then the thought that he won’t reach out either is almost more than I can handle. 🙁 It’s just so uncomfortable :(:(