Hi Connie,

You wrote : “I have this urge to contact him and apologize but afraid to stir up all feelings again, especially for him.”

Apologise for what?

I was in a very similar situation, I was trying to use any way that I know to contact my ex partner during no contact period and I did contacted him using his birthday as an excuse. I did not regret it, it was a closure for me. and maybe also for my ex partner to know that we wished each other well (you must have read about that thread because you commented back then)

I think that you are having troubles letting go, there is a quote that helped me get through my break up, it is a quote by a Korean novelist named Tablo, and he wrote this in his book :

“The thing that you are hanging on to may becomes the things that hang you.”

I would like to help you but I need to know the reason why you hold on so tightly to this person. I read that he is very unresponsive and does not help you with moving on because he never gave a clear answer regarding getting back together or second chances. His “not a clear answer or no answer” gives you a glimmer of hope. I think your ex partner is very inconsiderate of your feelings and well being by doing this to you.

Other than the fact that you loved this person very much, is there any reason why you refuse to let go and move on? Are you perhaps afraid that you won’t meet someone better? or are you afraid that you will never get over him in general?

From your thread, I assume that you told almost everything to him already and did almost everything to win him back too – so do you still feel like it is not enough? I have a friend, she loved someone (it was a one side love) for almost 10 years. She tried everything to make it work, and on Valentine Day – she was going to confess it once for all. The person did not come at all. After that, she cried it all out and smiled. She told me that she felt “free” and she has no regrets because she had tried everything and even though it did not work out, it felt good knowing she tried hardest.

You are trying your best, Connie. Sometimes it does not work out for some reasons, but in my opinion, you already tried your hardest. You are torturing yourself by not letting him go. It is yourself that you are hurting. I hate to be the one saying this but your ex partner does not care about you and has no intention of getting back together with you.

If he has such intentions, he will never ignore your pleading via email. He must have known how hard it is for you. He might have loved you in the past but he clearly does not anymore because in my opinion, you do not treat the people that you love like that for any reasons. The least that he can do is to be a mature man and wish you well. You both can move on peacefully and maybe stay friends if he had the nerve of even the conscience to do that. But he does not, correct?

I would love to hear your feedback.

-Mina