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Is it a hint?

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  • #161686
    Connie
    Participant

    It’s not my first post and I am just so lost and need to talk things over…

    I am experiencing the most difficult break/breakup ever. It’s been almost two months and we seem to be lingering still…

    Just when I tried to break things off completely from my ex (telling him I was ready to move on), he sent me an email telling me that it was never his idea to break up so he shouldn’t be the one to finalize the breakup. (I have always tried to win him back. However, with his silence, there’s not much I can do honestly, since I do not know what’s in his head.)

    He said he still missed and cared about me a lot, that I was a perfect wife material and still had the feeling that we would be back to normal again. However, he lost hope because I kept trying to break up and break things off from him.

    He also said that he’s not interested in or has no intention to be involved with any other girls except me and decided to live a single life.

    Is it a hint that he didn’t want me to give up on him? He didn’t really say he wanted to get back together though. I can understand why he’s not making any move because I mentioned breakup too many times. But I immediately realized that it was a mistake and I still love him deeply.

    I have changed my attitude towards to him, emailing/sharing my happiness with him everyday, and just being positive. I don’t know if it will change anything.

    Any thoughts?

    #161700
    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Hi Connie,

    Can you feel ok to share some reasons for the breakup?

    I hope you start feeling better soon so you don’t have to be affected by this confusion. I think that when one person  tries “to break things off completely” and then the other reacts with “he sent me an email telling me that it was never his idea to break up so he shouldn’t be the one to finalize the breakup.” this is where confusion begins.

    You wrote, “He also said that he’s not interested in or has no intention to be involved with any other girls except me and decided to live a single life.” with the operative words being “live a single life.  I think that in alleviating your confusion, the operative words “live a single life.” needs clarity as well as the reason(s) for you wanting to break up. In pursuit of answers and maybe winning him back don’t let it escalate into something that will force your decision to “break things off completely.”

    Pearce

     

    #161688
    LotusLove
    Participant

    Hi Connie.

    It seems to me that you both still have feelings for each other.

    If you have realised that you now want to be with him, why don’t you ask to meet up to discuss this?

    Tell each other what you will expect from the relationship, and see if one another agrees.

    But please be sure it is what you want… As you don’t want to mess with his mind and thoughts.

    I hope that everything works out for you 🙂

     

    #161724
    Connie
    Participant

    Hi Pearce

    I broke up with him over an argument about some issue that was never resolved in our relationship: I mentioned breakup everytime I felt unhappy. He got tired of it and agreed to break up. He shut himself out after breakup and only sent me an email once in a while. I felt I wasn’t able to communicate with him so I decided to ask him and say if there’s no another chance for us, I was gonna move on and never look back. I wanted to know if there’s room for me to keep trying and win him back. That’s why he sent the latest email to me.

    Looking back I realize that even though I want him back, I never really take any actions because it’s hard for me to swallow my pride, probably the same for him.

    His email makes me wonder if I wasn’t trying hard enough. People always say “if he loves you, he will come back and pursue you.” But I was the one who pushed him away and ended the relationship, so I can’t really expect that he will run back to me.

    I guess I just want to know what to do to make him believe that I have really changed and still want to be with him.

     

    #161728
    Connie
    Participant

    Hi Lauren

    Thank you very much for the feedback.

    I would love to meet up with him, the only problem is that I am overseas and will not be back for another couple of month. Distance makes everything more difficult. But i will keep trying to send him clear messages in regard of what I want and expect from our relationship.

    Thanks again!

    #161754
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Connie,

    I think this looks like a really good sign, but since he “thinks” you wanted to break it off, he is probably waiting for an something like “I love you, and would really like us to get back together to try to work things out”. Men have (and women) ego, pride, stubbornness, and they are afraid of getting rejected again, so he is making “indirect” hints, he only wants to be with you, based on the things you posted him saying to you.

    I would just talk to him, we can’t expect them to read our minds (smile). So, if you really love this man, tell him, you would like to work things out. Keep us posted. x

    #161770
    Mina
    Participant

    Hello Connie,

    I have been noticing your situation after you replied on my threads yesterday, I know how difficult this break up has been for you. I know because I am going through the exact same feelings as you. I know how exhausting it is, how emotionally consummating it is. You still have a lot of attachment and hopes regarding this man. I understand that.

    You mentioned that your partner has lost hope in this relationship due to you mentioning break ups in a lot of occasions. But he also mentioned how he still cares about you and went as far as he wouldn’t date anyone ever again / will live a single life. That is a very strong statement but it sounds very inconsistent to me. It is inconsistent because he lost hope but at the same time he still cares about you. It does not make any sense to me. If he really did lost his hope, he would not care about you at all to even send this email.

    I would strongly advice you to talk to him, by phone if possible. Ask him clearly what he meant. Ask him if there is a chance for this relationship to be resurrected at all, if there he says there isn’t (whatever his reasons is) – stop all contact.

    I am sending you all my love. I would love to hear from you with any updates anytime.

    P.s : I know that this isn’t related to any of your questions on this thread, but as someone who is also going through a tough break up, I would advice you to try to surround yourself with your family and friends. Try to talk to a lot of people, usually they will make you see the break up in a lot of different (interesting) perspectives that makes you feel hopeful about the future. This break up might feel like the end of the world for you, but remember – life goes on. It will always goes on. If this man isn’t the one for you, believe me, your future man is somewhere out there. There is STILL a life after a tough break up. You are going to be happy again, even if sometimes you still feel miserable due to all of this but there will always be a moment that you are going to be happy. You realise that life without him, even though it is not exactly a happy place for a while, it will be. I hope you find answers or closure soon. I really hope you do.

    -Mina x

     

     

    #161822
    Connie
    Participant

    Hi Eliana

    I email him everyday after receiving his last email, just to share my life with him by telling him what’s going on in my life now and sending him some pictures – something I didn’t do before. I also let him know about my determination to get back together. I am still waiting for his response. He blocked my number after I asked him to when we broke up – I had no idea why I asked him that, it was pretty thoughtless I have to admit 🙁  So I also sent him an email asking him if he would consider to unblock me so we could resume communication.

    I guess the lesson learnt from this breakup is to only say things when you truly mean it. Apparently I have been paying my own mistakes. I really hope things will start getting better soon!

    Thanks very much for your kind words.

    #161824
    Connie
    Participant

    Hello Mina,

    Thank you for your advice. I reached out to him several times asking him if it’s really over and thats why he sent me his latest email.

    He’s not very responsive after breakup. Maybe he’s deeply hurt since he used to feel being the one who’s more romantic and sensitive in our relationship. I guess what I can do right now is to give him more time and just show him love and, like you said, surround myself with family and friends. To be honest, whether he comes back or not, I have to be able to make myself happy. Having a relationship is important but I realize there are a lot more important things in life to explore, too.

    Sending my love back to you 🙂

    #161844
    Mina
    Participant

    Hello Connie,

    I absolutely agree with your statement. It is frustrating when we need answers but the person is very unresponsive. Please stay strong, and have faith that it will all work out in the end.

    Best wishes, always.

    -Mina

    #161998
    WillowRose
    Participant

    I registered just to be able to leave you my thoughts on this. Have you considered him saying he’s going to stay single was just a way to try throwing a guilt trip on you? I think you definitely have the right idea by trying to send him positive reinforcement, just so you know you tried, but that your focus should be exploring other parts of life right now too. Whether you get back together with him, or meet someone else to be with, I’m sure you’ll super appreciate this time that you’re taking for yourself!

    #162056
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Connie:

    If he is teaching you a lesson, then (I hope) you did learn the lesson: “to only say things when you truly mean it”.

    “Is it a hint?” you asked. I don’t know. He has been giving you the message (as you shared in a previous thread) that he was not interested in the breakup, that he is suffering as a result of it, and he did not respond to your attempts at restarting the relationship.

    What is his intention- I don’t know and neither do you because we can’t read another person’s mind. Evaluating from emails he sent you, I am guessing he wants you to suffer for breaking up with him so many, many times.

    If so, better you decide when you suffered enough.

    anita

    #162130
    Connie
    Participant

    Hello WillowRose and Anita,

    honestly, I used to blame myself for the failure of our relationship. However, he can no longer make me feel guilty or suffer. I just asked myself “do I feel bad or have any regrets?” My answer is “no.”

    I am glad that I do not have any hatred/regret towards to him or our relationship.

    I guess all I want to do is to just simply show him love because thats what love really is about. If he doesn’t intend to continue this relationship, I will be fine to let go as well. I feel I have found the peace in me.

     

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Connie.
    #162136
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Connie:

    Peace is a good thing, enjoy it, cherish it. Don’t compromise it so to please another, so to make another person happy.

    anita

    #163366
    Connie
    Participant

    Update:

    after that email, I showed him a week of affection by showing him my positive side, constantly asking him how he was doing, and telling him that I missed him a lot, sharing some pictures I took on my trip and etc.

    still he’s not responsive at all. Maybe he wants to move on, maybe he wants me to suffer. I don’t know. All I know is that if you really care about someone, how can you not say anything straight and string them along?

    Eventually I gave up contacting him a week ago. I think the best way for me to see if he really cares about me and still wants this relationship is to leave him alone.

    So far he only contacts me every two weeks. This weekend will be another two weeks mark. I think I just need some preparation if he doesn’t contact me this weekend.

    I am so tired of playing these mind games. Life is too short for this. Why can’t we just communicate?

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Connie.
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