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I feel like it would be easier to 'not be here' anymore than to keep struggling

Home→Forums→Tough Times→I feel like it would be easier to 'not be here' anymore than to keep struggling

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • August 24, 2017 at 7:23 am #165402
    Cheryl
    Participant

    I suffer from depression, anxiety and I’m highly sensitive. I’m at a point in my life where literally everything is overwhelming me. I’m exhausted all the time. I feel emotionally, mentally and physically drained.

    I’ve been in the same job now for 7 and a half years and I’ve been happy until about 2 years ago. The office dynamics have changed and I literally have highs and lows throughout my day – every day. I fake happiness at work, so by the time I get home I feel overextended. I’m a very loyal person so the thought of leaving overwhelms me, but I feel if I don’t make a change I’m going to ‘break’

    Should I take the risk? How do I even go about it? Do I tell them I’m going to be looking for another job or do I look for another job and then tell them? All this is extremely difficult for me because it makes me feel guilty.

     

    August 24, 2017 at 7:52 am #165434
    Elliot8
    Participant

    Hi Cheryl,

    I joined this site 2 days ago, my first reply was in the “cant seem to get away from negative thoughts” thread which is on the 2nd page. if you are interested because a brief history of what i am going through, have been through is on it. I know exactly how you feel. I have had a few days off this week and have been dreading going into work, like you am depressed, anxious and highly sensitive and if i may i will share what a friend of mine told me yesterday? Basically i have made some “wrong” choices in life recently, especially in jobs. A friend of mine has done the same thing and he is now at peace with himself. He has is own business now and when i was telling him about how miserable i am in my job but too scared to leave he replied” the trouble is mate you take it too seriously, after all they proved when they made you redundant what they think about you so do your bit then go home” Easier said than done for people such as us but…..  You owe your company nothing apart from turning up and doing your job to the best of your ability and as honestly as you can. I have learned this the hard way since i was “flushed away” by my company and it has been especially hard for me because some real wasters got away with keeping their jobs. I now am  going to leave work where it belongs. At work. I know i am going to have hard times as well as good and if you are reflective like me which i am sure you are (?) this will be especially hard when we hit a bad spot. By all means look, i know i am now, and by all means tell them if you like but do not feel guilty. I put a lot into my role compared to others and lost my job, self-respect and what little confidence i had because of 3 words. Charge hand redundancy. I am slowly trying to re-build but i now wait for the next time it happens so treat your employer for exactly what they are. A way for you to make a living and do the things you want to do.

    Hope this helps, please reply anytime if you are feeling low? I know how you feel mate and you are not on your own.

    August 24, 2017 at 11:55 am #165494
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Cheryl:

    Between the two choices: telling your employer you intend to look for another job and then looking or looking for another job before telling them, I would choose the second. I would look for a job first, at least start the search. At one point in the search you may want to reconsider telling your current employers, but for now start the search.

    When overwhelmed, better take smaller steps, avoid all-or-nothing thinking and behaving. By starting the search, making one search attempt, you will be starting small.

    Two years is a long time to be .. loyal and unhappy, loyal to your employers, that is. Being loyal to yourself would mean trying to better your well-being.

    anita

    August 25, 2017 at 5:29 am #165554
    Cheryl
    Participant

    Thank you Elliot. I was literally in tears reading your reply. I’m so sorry you went through what you did. It’s very discouraging to put your all into your work and be made to feel not valued. I will take your advice and not invest my entire being into my work. Yesterday was a tough day at work, hence me writing here for the first time, but today has been fine. It’s the up and down of my emotions connected to my work that really get to me. Thank you again for replying and I wish you all of the best on your side.

    Thank you Anita. I need to take smaller steps as you are suggesting. I do tend to overwhelm myself by wanting everything done immediately and on a greater scale.

    August 25, 2017 at 1:55 pm #165654
    Elliot8
    Participant

    Hello Cheryl,

    No worries. I know what you are going through i truly do. The sleepless nights worrying about what the next day will bring can be agonising and it all seems so out of control. I have thought so many times that i “do not want to be here” and i worry that one day i will put that thought into practice. But like the other lady who replied said just do what we can, as we can. My current role is overwhelming as a lot of the aspects that deem it a success are things that are way out of my control (weather, landowners refusing entry to sites, contractors doing poor work when i am not there) but i can only do so much and i, like you am going to try and take it one step at a time.

    Take care and keep me posted on how you are going, it will be good for me to be able to share to!

    E.

     

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