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It's over

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  • August 25, 2017 at 8:47 am #165576
    Felix
    Participant

    It’s been a rollercoaster. Horrible 3 years of ups and downs, jobs lost, family lost, friends lost. Just a nightmare. I stabilized the situation with my work and career. I’ve accepted who my true friends are. I accepted my family for who and what they are. I was about to start working on my marriage, but it’s over. My wife went to visit her family in Europe for a month and when she came back she told me it’s over. She doesn’t love me or feel anything at all. All the begging in the world is not helping. I will have to move out with my pooch and start over. She is not a monster and it’s not like she is being a total bitch. I just think she is misguided and is driven by her emotions. Instead of fixing what’s broken, she just wants to be alone. I know there is no one else. She is not that type of person. And I am dying. I don’t know how to come out on the other side. I truly feel like I am dying. I am in so much pain right now that death would be the preferable choice if not for my dog. I don’t know how to live without her. She is my everything and I don’t have her anymore. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to live, how to breath, how to move on. My life is over. It truly is.

    August 25, 2017 at 9:10 am #165578
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Felix:

    Your marriage has been troubled for a long time, I know from reading your previous threads since a year and a half ago, or so. I wonder if this change, the ending of your marriage, will lead to you and your pooch maybe moving out of Los Angeles. You repeatedly expressed before how tired you are of the rat race, the high cost of living in LA, the mighty dollar attitude to life.

    Maybe it is time to move to a quieter place, you and your dog. Although the mighty-dollar attitude does reach the farthest parts of the world (it does…)- yet, you may find a more rat-race-free, peaceful pocket of the world to call home.

    anita

    August 25, 2017 at 9:34 am #165586
    Felix
    Participant

    Thank you Anita. I may move, but not right now. I have a great job and there are other things, obligations, that are holding me back. I may just move, but down the road. Right now, I can’t move period. I mean I can’t move. I am frozen, paralyzed, in so much pain that I don’t see how I can survive this and even if I can, I don’t know if I want to. I don’t live for her, I am very independent, but she was special and I simply cannot imagine my life without her. I am about to turn 40 and my life is over. I can’t go on anymore, at least not right now. She and everyone else says that things get better, time heals, and all that good stuff, but that’s not how things work in the real world. In the real world, pain doesn’t always go away. I’ve just started this journey and I don’t know which stage of grief I am currently in, but I simply cannot imagine my life going forward. I have nothing left. Nothing. Please forgive me for sounding so gloom, but I am covered in total darkness. This pain is the only thing I feel =(

    August 25, 2017 at 10:22 am #165612
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Felix:

    You are welcome. no need to apologize for your feelings, for “sounding so gloom.. covered in total darkness”- this is how you feel and you don’t choose your feelings, so no wrong doing to apologize for.

    You wrote that you “have nothing left”- but you do have “a great job”, you wrote in this post. And you have this dog you love so much.

    You wrote: “she was special and I simply cannot imagine my life without her”- interesting, you didn’t express her being special in your life before, and the life you did detail in previous threads, the life with her, read like a life better imagined alone. One such memory that comes to my mind is when you brought her flowers, was it, a special occasion and how miserable that occasion turned out to be. There was lots of dissatisfaction in this marriage that you expressed for a long, long time.

    You wrote: “pain doesn’t always go away”- not without attentive, purposeful, ongoing work, a journey of sorts. Pain otherwise shifts its focus:  it was there with you before throughout great dissatisfaction with your marriage, work, societal attitudes that you expressed in previous threads, and it is with you now, focusing on an ending of a marriage (although miserable for a long time).

    anita

     

    August 25, 2017 at 9:58 pm #165690
    Felix
    Participant

    I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I seriously don’t. I am not giving up or anything. I just don’t see the light.

    August 26, 2017 at 8:04 am #165738
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Felix:

    Maybe there is no light in the particular tunnel you are in. Maybe you can retrace your steps, get out of this tunnel and … choose a different tunnel with light at the end of it…

    anita

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