Dear Mary899:

You wrote in your original post: “whenever THEY do sth that hurts me I’m quick to forgive, mostly for the sake of my own inner peace. I guess this results in people forgetting their own wrongdoings, and focusing on mine instead.”-

When someone accuses you of something, and you automatically apologize, without figuring first if indeed their accusation is true, then what you do is submitting (yielding, caving in) to the other person, showing to them that they have power over you. Many will take your submission and take even more power over you, not to your benefit!

You wrote: “Still, no matter how abusive some people are in the first place, this doesn’t justify my own mistakes and the fact that I have hurt their feelings. What do you think is the best approach to deal with such people?”-

When someone acts abusively to you, you should not be available to the abuse. It doesn’t matter if the abusive person is a stranger or your own mother, there should be no contact, not in person, not a phone contact, no contact. That is the only way for you to protect yourself and protecting yourself from abuse is your responsibility, your job.

When you are not available to abuse, you don’t have to worry about how you should or shouldn’t respond to it. You are simply not there for it.

anita