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Feeling conflicted and confused

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  • #166458
    Gloris
    Participant

    the last time I was in a relationship i was still in HS I was daiting this guy for a Couple months I really fell in love with him (as hard as that sounds to believe ) I was 17 he was the first guy I felt a great connection with fast forward a couple months he cheats on me and leaves me I was torn I cried for months and month, I did some things I’m not proud of and would tell his current gf some things about him and how he I found out a bunch of lies he had told me I was left super damaged from that relationship and now I’m starting to see this guy but not just any guy my old friends ex boyfriend lets call him  Jake and we have great chemistry he’s good looking, funny, has a super hot body but we started things off on a FWB type vibe I’m worried that I’ll gain feelings for him and it’ll all go down hill since I tend to get attached fast but I don’t want to cut things off with him ! I’m stuck Here  I don’t wanna end up like I did when I was 17

    #166464
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Gloris,

    For any relationship to work out, there has to be a foundation of friendship first. Chemistry, good looks, a super hot body, is nice, but superficial, and only leads to a quick intensity of infatuation. The infatuation stage lasts only so long, and then you have nothing to fall back on such as a genuine friendship, caring, respect and liking for one another.

    I would suggest, taking things slow. Focus on What’s on the inside, not on the outside. Looks fade over time. Become friends, enjoy each other’s company, try not to get “intense” too quick, no matter how “hot” he may be. Ask yourself questions beyond “chemistry and lust, physical appearance. Is he a good listener? Does he make you laugh? Is he a good conversationalist? Does he treat his friends, you and his family with respect? How can he enhance your life? How can you enhance his? These qualities are what make a good foundation for a commited relationship. Don’t ever sleep with a man until you get to know him well, because they will consider you a “hook up” and ghost you. They quickly lose respect. Let him get to know you, go slow and take it from there.

    #166544
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Gloris:

    You wrote that your relationship with Jake started as FWB, that is, Friends With benefits. Is it still so? If so, examine the Benefits part of it: what are your benefits and what are his benefits? Talk to him about it, ask him about his benefits.

    You wrote that you are afraid that you will develop feelings for him. Did you not develop feelings for him already?

    anita

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