Anita,

I never flirted with him, I made it clear that I love him ONLY as a best friend even before the break up. I was clear enough, in my personal opinion.

The thing is, during the break up, it was kind of hard to see the line. My best friend gets confused by the “blurry” line that was created by the break up. I was desperate to feel loved and cared for, I needed PEOPLE to live. The reason why I am here today, other than myself or my ex was because of my friends. They always listen to me and support every decision that I made.

I was guilty for being so nice to everyone, in order to console my heart break. If I were in my normal mental state, I would have refused him to come in and drop me off in the airport. I would have NEVER agreed to go to the church with him alone just to torture a weird guy that liked me. I realise that I wasn’t very consistent with my sacrifice when I embarrassed the church guy publicly by bringing my best guy friend with me to the church.

My ex would have been very disappointed by my childish act, but I still did it anyways. I feel like, my best friend is the collateral damage from the break up (from my side) – I mentioned that this break up CHANGES almost EVERYTHING. My dreams, my goals, my values, and even my relationships with my friends. I tried to replace that emptiness that my boyfriend gave me, by hanging out with my best guy friend. I admit that there were times when I felt touched. He paid for my food, picked me and dropped me off, he listened to me and gave me advices. He REMINDED me in some ways of my ex boyfriend.

Of course, my ex boyfriend is the original thing. The real thing. No matter how hard he tries, my best friend will never be the real thing. I will always compare him with my ex. He will never be able to overcome my ex. I do not see my best friend as the father of my child in the future and… I do not see myself giving up my precious education and career for him either. It is so much different. I admired my ex boyfriend, almost in a God like kind of admiration (I am sure you already know) for a lot of reasons. Let me compare :

My ex was a leader, he is very respectful and nice. He was loved by a lot of people. He is smart, very goals oriented just like me. He reminds me a lot of myself, there were times when we talked about serious stuff – like what if I got pregnant before we got married and he answered how he would still marry me and stay with me for the baby – I know my ex boyfriend thoughts and mindset. He is also very family oriented, he is close to his parents but just like my relationship with my parents, we never really say “I love you” to our parents. My ex and I, we do not like pretentious people. We usually dislike the same type of people, we never really judge when it comes to stuff that close minded people will not agree. We are very similar.

My best friend is very nice. He is quite popular among both guys and girls. He is loyal and does not really any problem with money. He does not study well, not really the leader type and most importantly – I asked him the same question as my ex above and he answered that he would force the girl to abort the baby. I was surprised. I am also aware that he treats his mother like a maid. And he does not have a good relationship with his sister … I am scared to even consider to date him. I genuinely think that my best friend only wants me as a girlfriend because I am pretty. I am a trophy girlfriend for him.

I honestly have no idea…. do you think that I should apologise?

Can you please analyse and give feedbacks?

Thank you, Anita.

-Mina