Dear Mina:

I am looking at what he told you, “it is mentally too much for him right now… he won’t have the time to date at all. He felt like having a girlfriend last semester had its ‘negative’ effects on him too. He told me that since he is in a relationship – he couldn’t properly focus on college life”-

Clearly, in his mind, other items in his life were more important than the relationship with you. Other items were of higher priority than you being in his life. Yet in other words, in your ex boyfriend’s mind, the relationship with you was of less value than other items in his life, and so, having limited time and energy he chose to remove the item of lesser value in his life, the relationship with you, so that he will invest his time and energy in the more valuable items.

What I wrote in the above paragraph is undebatable, a simple extension of what he told you. You wrote that the questions you do not want to ask him because you are afraid of the answers are:

1. Did you ever “love me… cared about me at all?”

2. Did you break “up with me ONLY because of the military and new college not because of something else / other reasons (you are) not telling me”?

My input regarding #1: he probably loved you and cared about you but clearly, he valued you being in his life less than he valued other items in his life, like his academic performance, social college obligations, and whatever else he was spending his time and energy on. It may be that he highly valued you, Mina as a person,  but he didn’t highly value having you in his life compared to other items in his life.

Regarding #2: He broke up with you because the military and new college are two of the items he valued more (the military is mandatory, I understand that). But what you are thinking is whether you did something wrong, whether you unnecessarily burdened him, correct? If so, how do you think you may have unnecessarily burdened him?

anita