Dear Cal:

I asked you earlier about her response to the time you confronted her about her online affair. You answered: “She was unapologetic at first and even denied it initially… She placed some blame on me for it…then said that she just cannot control how she feels and that she had feelings for this other guy.”

If her inclination to blame you, that is, to give you the responsibility for her actions, and this inclination and behavior was evident before this online affair and on a regular basis, then this inclination and behavior was already a serious problem in your relationship and will continue to be.

If she believes overall that her feelings must dictate her behaviors, that it is okay for her to behave any which way because she-feels-like-it, then it will continue to be a serious problem in your relationship because you never know when and how she will feel tomorrow and therefore what it is that she will do tomorrow.

If you are able and willing to examine these two topics I brought up, please do.

anita