Anita,

1. Regarding my ex boyfriend going into a therapy – this was something that he never fully and directly said to me. Me, my ex and his best friend gathered once to drink together and they talked about military service. My ex`s best friend was physically sick so he was exempted from serving the military, my ex boyfriend “jokingly” suggested that he should use mental diseases (his current situation at that moment) as an excuse so he would be exempted too.

But at some point, he does understand the risks of admitting to being “depressed” in Korea isn’t worth it just to avoid military service. I am so sorry to write something that was based out of an assumption. I need to clear that up. Maybe he was thinking about it as he mentioned it a few times to me and his best friend but it was never seriously attempted or discussed by him. He had a hard time admitting that maybe he really was depressed, considering the stigma of mental patients here. He is, after all, is a perfectionist. Admitting that he has a mental problem isn’t perfect.

2. Regarding psychotherapy – I actually have never even heard of such things here because it was never socialised to young students. Like I said, people here aren’t very aware of mental illness or any kind of mental therapy that does not involved the patients being crazy. People here thinks that If I go to a doctor for a mental illness or issues, I am crazy. That is the stigma. You can check how Korea has the highest rate of suicide in the world, people does not understand the concept of depression. I was like them too, you know. I thought that all depressed people are so weird, like they keep torturing themselves and stop being happy … it is a weird and foreign concept for me. I used to think that depressed people are losers. Until I became one myself. I understand that depression isn’t something to be taken lightly and isn’t that simple to be cured.

I realise that depressed people aren’t those who are looking sad all the time, sometimes they are your friends, your boyfriend, or maybe your parents. They still laugh and live their life normally but inside … you do not know how much pain they are in. When I look at my friends in the university – I realise how we all are living in the same way – we get into this prestige university by studying night and day for 5-6 years of our lives. Imagine that when you are only 19. We have parents expectation and academic issues that we need to deal with. We are all… at the end of the day, just trying to survive. Being perfect is the ultimate goal. Being respected in another goal. Being successful isn’t a question, it is the answer.

If I would have given a choice, maybe I would choice to live without any kind of expectations from anyone. Not from my parents, my friends, my teachers, anyone really.

Sometimes I look at those high school students here studying until 11/12 at night everyday for 3 years just to get into this university that I am currently in. I feel so bad and I wish that I can tell them this : it isn’t worth it and your happiness isn’t guaranteed.

I am here after all of that and I am depressed. It does no matter which university you are in, which major, how much money do you have or how smart you are … what matters is your happiness.

-Mina