Anita,

You read my daily letter to my ex boyfriend? Wow … it means a lot to me, Anita.

I think I misunderstood your sentences. I thought that what you meant by email was my happy birthday email to my ex boyfriend, I did not realise that you were referring to my last reply in this thread.

Regardless, I am very happy reading your feedback to me today. I think that I needed to go through this break up to find myself. I realise that after a while. I owe my ex boyfriend for breaking up with me in a sense, if we never broke up – maybe I will get married with him and live my life without knowing myself for the next 40-50 years.

I just hope that soon, I will be able to get out this phase in my life completely. I am thinking about removing some of the stuff that my ex gave me when I am ready. I threw the very first rose that he gave me already. It was so hard that I almost fainted while throwing it away in a church. I cried for 2-3 hours and then I fell asleep. I forced myself to go to our special places and make new memories with new people. It was also very hard, because I felt like I am erasing our memories.

But those things does not hold any meaning to him or me anymore. Having that one rose does not change the fact that we are not together anymore. Not going to our places to keep it “special” does not change the fact that we broke up. That is the hard and cold truth that I finally realise.

What matters is what is inside my heart and the lesson that he gave me during the relationship and break up period. Those things defines us right now. Not by a rose. Not by dead objects, not by places.

I am not ready to let him go just yet as I still find comfort in him. And I realise that it is ok. It is not wrong to feel this way, to find comfort in him.

I know that he won’t mind. I know that he will support me, and he wants the best to me.

I am temporarily holding on to my ex boyfriend for my well being at this moment, and that is ok. In my own timing, I will be able to let him go for real.

Do you agree, Anita? 🙂

-Mina