Dear Natasha:

Here is an example of how to validate your partner’s feelings. A few days ago on your other thread you posted the following: “he is upset with me, telling me that I am a ‘bad person’ for telling him this things, ‘how could I have told him that his own family thinks bad things about him, that only a bad person could tell him that.’ So now he is resentful. He says his heart cannot forgive me for telling him that. SERIOUSLY?!?!?!”

A way to not validate his feelings is to tell him: “SERIOUSLY? You don’t know what you are talking about….

A way to validate his feelings would be to say something like this to him: You are very hurt by what I did, and disappointed of me going behind your back and talking to your aunt about you, listening to her saying bad things about you, and then, telling you those bad things. Am I understanding correctly?

anita