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BF Mad at me, broke up with me, and called name!

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • October 10, 2017 at 1:33 am #172549
    magic
    Participant

    Me and my (ex) bf was in a long distance relationship for more than 1 year. He’s from Nepal and now studying in Bangkok. We met in a social media site where we started commenting on someone’s comment about a fun topic. He’s 24 this December and I am 30. When we began our relationship, I know that he is younger than me and he knows that I once was married, but we agreed to love each other. During our relationship, I paid him a visit to Nepal and Bangkok, so we already met twice in real life. We talked every day via whatsapp and messenger. Tagging each other memes on FB and instagram. He is from a rich family where he receives monthly money from his parents while I am a hardworking woman who lives in a rent room in Indonesia. He was quite a good boy to me, we shared our activities every day. However, his parents did not agree in our relationship as I am not from his tribe, I am a stranger, while he must follow family’s tradition to marry someone from his tribe. At first, I was okay with this as I know we were not gonna married (or he said that he’s not going to get married soon). But then things suddenly changed. He became so rude to me sometimes when we fought. He always threatened me that he would leave every time i picked a fight. Long story short, two days ago he was mad at me and broke up with me. The story went like this: he just came back from campus and we talked for a while in a video call, he said he would throw a party with his buddies at home that night. Then we were chatting in messenger. I sent him messages but he didnt reply after an hour, saying that he was busy with his friend. So i made a video call and said “you’re active in messenger babe, you could at least text me too.” He said that he’s talking with his friend, so he didnt need to text me every 5 mins. I said i understand, but if you are active here you can also text me. Then I said again “next time if i know that you’re active but didnt text me i will kill you”. Then he became so angry, maybe because I said that in front of his friend, so his ego kicked in. But then he asked me to fuck off and called me a bitch. I tried to explain that that was not a serious manner about me wanna kill him, but he didnt wanna hear. He blocked me on facebook and whatsapp. I can’t reach him now! Helpppp….I feel sad and guilty….I wanna talk about this but he said he does not wanna talk to me anymore, in fact he added that from now on i am fucking nobody for him…. I am really really down now…I don’t think it is a reason enough to just dump me like that. What should I do??

    October 10, 2017 at 7:03 am #172573
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear magic:

    To understand better, I ask: when you threatened to kill him in the text: ““next time if i know that you’re active but didnt text me i will kill you”- what did you mean by it? What emotions led you to threaten to kill him and how did you want him to respond to your threat?

    anita

    October 10, 2017 at 7:09 am #172575
    magic
    Participant

    Hi Anita, thanks for responding. I really need someone to talk right now. Well, i was just upset that he didn’t text me back but he was active in messenger so i said that if next time i saw him active but didn’t text me i will kill him. I expected a reply like “ok, babe, sorry for not reaching you out i will try to text you soon”, or something like “well, you won’t kill me!” I basically didn’t mean to kill him of course, I don’t know why he got so angry, he said “how dare u say you will kill me in front of my friend,” you did that on purpose right?” And when i wanted to explain, he already cut me off and asked me to fuck off. The next morning I found out that he unfriended me on Facebook. 🙁 i am so sad right now, I really feel guilty and wanted to apologize, but I know he won’t accept my calls. Plus I think he also blocked me in WhatsApp and messenger . Pls advise….

    October 10, 2017 at 7:22 am #172579
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear magic:

    I understand that you are upset, feeling badly. You wish he didn’t block you, or that he unblocks you. Unfortunately for you, you have no control over his blocking you. What is it then that you do have control over?

    One thing you can control is your learning experience. Learning from your life experience is something you can choose to do. You thought that it was okay to threaten to kill a person, and that it was okay to threaten to do so because a person didn’t text you when you wanted him to. You thought it was a matter of no big deal. Now you learned that for some people it is a big deal.

    He took offense to your threat, reads to me, not necessarily for the threat itself but for the fact that his friends witnessed it. Meaning, his male friends saw that a woman is threatening him. He felt embarrassed, ashamed to be seen as a … weak man, one that allows a woman to threaten him with physical harm. So he responded by calling you names and blocking you.

    It is better that you do not fight with people, not unless they are threatening you with physical harm. It is better that you don’t threaten to kill people, unless they are threatening to kill you first. Protect yourself when in physical danger; do not pose a physical danger to others in person or threaten them with physical harm online.

    Calm yourself best you can, is my advice. Learn from the experience and correct your future behavior.

    anita

    October 10, 2017 at 7:32 am #172583
    magic
    Participant

    Thanks, anita for the reply. I really wish I didn’t say such thing. It was just an expression. Now I regret it. In fact, when i said that I didn’t mean it. I was saying it in a kow tone, not high tone, expressing that it should not be taken seriously. Cos how im about to kill him anyway, we’re not close. But i understand that his ego kicked in so he called names and asked me to fuck off, to show his friend he was in control. But i just didn’t understand why he can just leave and cut me off, like nothing between us had happened. I expected him to at least open a communication so that i can explain what i said. Now although i could reach him on phone (phone call from Indonesia to Bangkok is not cheap), i am sure he won’t pick up. ;(

    October 10, 2017 at 7:43 am #172587
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear magic:

    It is way better to prevent problems than to cause problems and then try to solve them. If you didn’t threaten him (or fight previously), you wouldn’t have this problem. Next time, think before you text or talk or do. Consider the consequences of what you are about to communicate.

    It is okay to feel angry, to feel whatever it is that we feel. What we feel is not a matter of choice. What we text, say and do is subject to choosing. Be wiser.

    At this point, best you can do is calm down, accept with as much calm as you can, what happened. He is not in the wrong for blocking you. He did the right thing. I would have blocked you too and never meet you in person again, if you threatened to kill me.

    Accept what you did and how he responded.

    If he unblocked you, if you were still communicating, you would still be living where you are living, having the life you have and he would still be having his life. A marriage, you indicated, was very unlikely. Nothing much would be different if he unblocked you. Focus on your life, how to make it better.

    anita

     

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