Hi Anita,

I’m glad you said all of the above because it is proof my research and own interpretations were correct also. In July I had another one of these ‘breakdowns’ about our relationship, so I went searching. I remember spending the whole day obsessing and researching about what I should do. I came across this article – http://theladiescoach.com/spirituality-and-self-love/release-blocked-feminine-energy/ which was extremely helpful.

I not only applied going with the flow and used my feminine energy around my boyfriend, but started to tap into it in all aspects of life. And everything was perfect and harmonious. When I went to visit him then, I remember feeling the happiest with him I ever was. That is because I did not try to control him or us, and I completely let go of every expectation that I had for us. He did still pull away at times then, however, instead of getting upset and pressuring him I went and did my own thing too. It only took very small amount of time for him to come back to me. At this point I felt like I had it all figured out, but I fell back to my old state and I have trouble tapping back into this feeling and way of life again. I think this maybe has something to do with the fact we are long distance. We usually only see each other 2 days at a time, so I always feel so much pressure to make that perfect, and as soon as he does something I don’t approve of, I go into panic mode and end up running around in circles in my head, trying to control us and overthinking our every step.

I’m very sensitive. I take a lot of things personally and overthink things very easily too. I’ve had anxiety ever since I was very young and a lot of things seem to scare me. I worry about the smallest things and make them so huge, and the reason I say I am complicated is because ones closest to me always have to listen to me talk on and on about the same issues, because I ruminate, and often have negative thoughts. I also have thought in the past that I may be a little bit bipolar; it’s insane how quickly my mood changes sometimes, from one extreme to the other.

Fruzsina