And even though nearly everything I poured out here had gone through my head several times, had been written in my diary of sorts and shared partially with two or three people, it is still very comforting to take it out in the open again, all in the same place AND also to be aware of the fact that somebody, even though I don’t know you who you are, actually read it and heard it. I don’t know why, but the mere fact of it is very comforting. And it goes without saying that your input from a male perspective is simply invaluable. And I also value that you are not trying to judge me or to suggest I had my head examined, but are putting forward some things that I haven’t thought about (I am referring to that other, original, post of mine) or suggesting other, additional points of view or angles that I haven’t considered.

It is akin to shining a flashlight into the deepest darkest places of our heart/brains. That place where the ego lurks. The monster that comes out to save our feelings. I am in search of making those hiding places smaller and smaller. Keeping a hold of my ego, but not giving it so much power over me.Understanding that the ego is necessary, but that I will be in control over it and not the other way around. You know if my wife decides to sleep with another man, I can’t change that. I know I am a good husband, I am a good father, and I am a good person. What she chooses to do does not change any of those things. Do I hope she chooses us, of course. But my wife is lost right now, and I want nothing more than for her to find herself, for the sake of her, and our children. I will survive what happens and will continue to be a good father, I hope that our marriage can survive, but I am no longer going to allow myself to dwell on the what if’s. I make a pact with myself that I will try my best to be the best person that I can be, and to support her in her journey. Whatever path we choose there are going to be roadblocks and bumps, but we will deal with them as they come. And hopefully come out of the other side better people.

Matt